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Emmy Nominees Announced!

Below are the nominees for the major categories of the Emmys nominations released earlier today. I will post my thoughts and picks in the near future, but needless to say, the Emmy voters got more right than usual, but why do people who hate television so much get to select what is the best of television?

 

Best Drama

Big Love

Breaking Bad

Damages

Dexter

House

Lost

Mad Men

Best Comedy

Entourage

Family Guy

Flight of the Conchords

How I Met Your Mother

The Office

30 Rock

Weeds

Best Television Mini Series

Generation Kill

Little Dorrit

Best Television Movie

Coco Chanel

Grey Gardens

Into The Storm

Prayers for Bobby

Taking Chance

Best Reality Competition Series

The Amazing Race

American Idol

Dancing With The Stars

Project Runway

Top Chef

Best Reality Series

Antiques Roadshow

Dirty Jobs

Dog Whisperer

Intervention

Kathy Griffin: My Life On the D List

Mythbusters

Best Variety, Music, or Comedy Special

Will Ferrell: You’re Welcome America: A Final Night with George W. Bush

Ricky Gervais: Out Of England

Kathy Griffin: She’ll Cut A Bitch

The Kennedy Center Honors

Chris Rock: Kill The Messenger

Best Variety, Music, or Comedy Series

The Colbert Report

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

Late Show with David Letterman

Real Time with Bill Maher

Saturday Night Live

Best Actor Drama

Simon Baker The Mentalist

Gabriel Byrne In Treatment

Bryan Cranston Breaking Bad

Michael C. Hall Dexter

Jon Hamm Mad Men

Hugh Laurie House

Best Actor Comedy

Alec Baldwin 30 Rock

Steve Carrell The Office

Jermaine Clement Flight of the Conchords

Jim Parsons The Big Bang Theory

Tony Shaloub Monk

Charlie Sheen Two And A Half Men

Best Actor Mini Series or Movie

Kevin Bacon Taking Chance

Kenneth Branagh Wallander: One Step Behind

Kevin Kline Cyrano de Bergerac: Great Performances

Brendan Gleeson Into The Storm

Sir Ian McKellan King Lear: Great Performances

Keifer Sutherland 24: Redemption

Best Actress Drama

Glenn Close Damages

Sally Field Brothers and Sisters

Mariska Hargitay Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

Holly Hunter Saving Grace

Elisabeth Moss Mad Men

Kyra Sedgwick The Closer

Best Actress Comedy

Christina Applegate Samantha Who?

Toni Colette United States of Tara

Julia Louis- Dreyfus The New Adventures of Old Christine

Tina Fey 30 Rock

Mary Louise Parker Weeds

Sarah Silverman The Sarah Silverman Program

Best Actress Mini Series or Movie

Drew Barrymore Grey Gardens

Jessica Lange Grey Gardens

Shirley MacLaine Coco Chanel

Sigourney Weaver Prayers For Bobby

Chandra Wilson Accidental Friendship

Best Reality Host

Tom Bergeron Dancing With the Stars

Phil Keoghan The Amazing Race

Heidi Klum Project Runway

Padma Lakshimi and Tom Colicchio Top Chef

Jeff Probst Survivor

Ryan Seacrest American Idol

Best Supporting Actor Drama

Christian Clemenson Boston Legal

Michael Emerson Lost

William Hurt Damages

Aaron Paul Breaking Bad

William Shatner Boston Legal

John Slattery Mad Men

Best Supporting Actor Comedy

Jon Cryer Two and a Half Men

Kevin Dillon Entourage

Neil Patrick Harris How I Met Your Mother

Jack McBrayer 30 Rock

Tracy Morgan 30 Rock

Rainn Wilson The Office

Best Supporting Actor Mini Series or Movie

Len Cariou Into The Storm

Tom Courteney Little Dorrit

Ken Howard Grey Gardens

Bob Newhart The Librarian: Curse of the Judas Chalice

Andy Serkis Little Dorrit

Best Supporting Actress Drama

Rose Byrne Damages

Hope Davis In Treatment

Cherry Jones 24

Sandra Oh Grey’s Anatomy

Dianne Weist In Treatment

Chandra Wilson Grey’s Anatomy

Best Supporting Actress Comedy

Kristen Chenoweth Pushing Daisies

Jane Krakowski 30 Rock

Elizabeth Perkins Weeds

Amy Poehler Saturday Night Live

Kristin Wiig Saturday Night Live

Vanessa L. Williams Ugly Betty

Best Supporting Actress Mini Series or Movie

Shohreh Aghdashloo House of Saddam

Marcia Gay Harden The Courageous Heart of Irena Sendler

Janet McTeer Into The Storm

Jeanne Triplehorn Grey Gardens

Cicely Tyson Relative Stranger

Best Actor in a Guest Role Drama

Ed Asner ER

Ted Danson Damages

Ernest Borgnine ER

Michael J. Fox Rescue Me

Jimmy Smits Dexter

Best Actor in a Guest Role Comedy

Alan Alda 30 Rock

Beau Bridges Desperate Housewives

Jon Hamm 30 Rock

Steve Martin 30 Rock

Justin Timberlake Saturday Night Live

Best Actress in a Guest Role Drama

Brenda Blethyn Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

Carol Burnett  Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

Ellen Burstyn  Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

Sharon Lawrence Grey’s Anatomy

CCH Pounder No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency

Best Actress in a Guest Role Comedy

Jennifer Aniston 30 Rock

Christine Baranski The Big Bang Theory

Tina Fey Saturday Night Live

Gena Rowlands Monk

Elaine Stritch 30 Rock

Betty White My Name Is Earl

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First, the good news.

Best Comedy Series

The Big Bang Theory (CBS)

Years of Devotion to How I Met Your Mother and Scrubs has been painful at times, as both of these hilarious but criminally under watched shows suffered from time slot shifts and near cancellation more than once. But HIMYM‘s fifth season was all but assured this year as it experienced a small uptick thanks to it’s new lead in. Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady’s superior Friends meets Seinfeld meets SciFi convention multicam sitcom has quickly become the most reliable funny show on the boob tube.

Best Comedic Performance- Male

Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory

The lanky actor with a slight lisp and a gift for comedic OCD reactions has been the breakout  star on a solid ensemble cast. A virtual unknown before the show, he has quickly become the front man for the cast, doing more press than all the others four combined. And if anyone has seen his spots on Craig Ferguson, he is charming, funny, and Un-Sheldonlike. But nothing tops TBBT Christmas episode, in which Sheldon hugs Penny ( Kaley Cuoco)- that is physical comedy at it’s best.

Best Comedic Performance- Female

Jane Krakowski as Jenna on 30 Rock

She has always been funny ( look at her character on Ally McBeal), but this year, Jenna has been inspired, even profane ( black face? Seriously?). Jane and Tracy Morgan are making a brilliantly idiotic comic team. Jenna’s vacuous presence makes up for a more uneven season.

Best Drama Series

Chuck (NBC)

Okay, it’s one of the funniest shows on TV. But this spy dramedy mashup is also one of the most affecting shows I have ever had the privilege to watch. The Josh Schwartz /Chris Fedak run show has vastly improved in it’s second season ( and it’s first, strike shortened season wasn’t bad to begin with). Wildly inventive while being almost religiously devoted to geek world references ( plus a deep love of the 80s- the show adores Spies Like Us to the point of ridiculousness, but you love every minute of it). Bonus- an awesome soundtrack. Well, it is a Josh Schwartz show.

Best Dramatic Performance- Male

Zachary Levi as Chuck Bartowski, Chuck

We in the know and who loved Less than Perfect  remember Levi as being comically gifted ( and a great singer- ” Luck be A Lady” was a series highlight for me). But his portrayal of the Nerd Herder with a government computer in his brain is a gentle mix of comedy and pathos. He breaks my heart as often as he makes me laugh. And now that he knows kung fu, I’m all agog. Brilliant.

Best Dramatic Performance- Female

Elisabeth Moss as Peggy Olsen, Mad Men

As the girl who walks into the mean manly man world of advertising, she delivers a subtle, heart breaking performance. She has suffered tremendously for her ambition on both a personal and a professional level, but do not mistake her for a pushover. Moss, so winning on The West Wing as Zoey Bartlett, has really grown into a spectacularly nuanced actress.

Best Series Finale- Till it wasn’t

Scrubs (ABC)

In perfect cohesion with the rest of the series. Everyone was there. Hooch really is crazy. Beardface, Snoop Dogg Intern/Resident, Gloria, even those who have passed. A sweet sentimental moment where J.D. ( Zach Braff- still so good here) sees his future. Small cameo by Bill Lawrence himself. Then ABC ruins my deep affection for this perfect episode of a much beloved network cannon fodder show by bringing it back for a ninth season. It still is a moving show, but I can’t imagine Scrubs without J.D.

Best Series Finale That Is Actually A Finale

ER (NBC)

The Thursday night lead out for fifteen seasons, ER  stopped being the big focus of NBC somewhere around the time George Clooney left. Lord knows I barely watched it in the last decade. But I tuned in all the same. And it, too, was a perfect finale. In fact, it really wasn’t a finale at all. Yes, old timer cast members came back for a visit, but it felt organic, not forced. The episode mirrored the pilot in many ways, yes, but it felt like it was true to the show as a whole. It was special because it wasn’t special.

And now the bad:

Worst “Comedy”

Kath and Kim ( NBC)

Just not funny. Too bad. I love Molly Shannon.

Worst ” Drama”

Knight Rider ( NBC)

This show wasn’t that good in the 80s when Hasselhoff was the MAN. Did Silverman and co. really think it would work now?

Moments from the season that should be remembered:

  • Adam Lambert’s gorgeous version of ” Mad World”, Kris Allen’s stunning rendition of ” Falling Slowly”, Allison Iraheta ‘s exquisite ” Someone To Watch Over Me”, and whatever that note was that Danny Gokey let loose at the end of ” Dream On” which wasn’t even human. ( American Idol)
  • An injury plagued season of Dancing With The Stars that was more entertaining than it had any right to be.
  • Barney Stinson is in love with Robin Sherbatsky!
  • While we’re on the topic of HIMYM, damn, they did the lamest/coolest job of hiding Alyson Hannigan and Cobie Smulders pregnancies.
  • I cannot reiterate how hilarious the hug Sheldon gave Penny in the Christmas episode of The Big Bang Theory is. Just genius.
  • Chuck Bass says ” I love you”. Twice.
  • The entire second season of Chuck. This show is so much better than Heroes.
  • House losing his mind. Kutner’s suicide. Amber. Huddy sex that wasn’t real.  ( House).
  • The performance of Harvey Keitel in the short but glorious run of ABC’s Life On Mars. yes, I was the person watching.
  • Barack Obama elected to the office of President of the United States of America. ( every network imaginable).
  • The Daily Show
  • The White Stripes showing up to sing ” We Are Going To be friends” on Conan O’Brien’s last Late Night
  • Jimmy Fallon not totally sucking as he took over Conan’s slot.
  • Jimmy is still no match for Craig Ferguson’s The Late Late Show.
  • The Colbert Report
  • Hugh Jackman hosting the Oscars. The Theater geek in me died a glorious,rapturous death. I loved most of it.
  • Gray Gardens
  • Almost everything on the Food Network’s prime time sked.

So this lead me to the question of the day. What was your highlight of the 2008-2009 TV season?

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Idol is being self congratulatory again. I know it’s a ratings powerhouse, but this is ridiculous. It’s not like Simon Fuller has discovered the cure for cancer.

Gwen asks why they are wearing white. Oy.

I’m looking forward to tonight. All the pressure is off. But can Kris and Adam sing together without sounding totally weird?

Kris was leading on Dial Idol this morning, but by negligible numbers. Kris also barely won the TV Guide poll. I’m just passing this on for info sake.

Kris and Adam’s mics don’t work. Ha!

The top thirteen launch into a haphazard version of Pink’s ” So What”. The thirteen sound atrocious together. They always have. ” And you’re a tool” made the cut. Snickers. Awful off key notes left and right. Last year’s top twelve were truly much better as a collective.

RyRy=smarmy ass.

David!!!!! ” Permanent”!!!! Whoot! And he sounds great. God, I’ve missed him on this show. And everyone buy the song.

Idol Awards- a moment of levity. Some awful performances. Everyone laugh at the deluded.But we get NickNorman again. God, I love the guy.

Lil sings with Queen Latifah, and The Queen sings circles around the Lil one.

Jason Mraz!!! With Alexis and Anoop. I love this song. I love Mraz. I love Alexis and Anoop. I love this. Best of the current Idol performances so far.

We get a Kris tape piece. We found him in Kentucky, remember? He’s such a sweet guy. And he sings ” Kiss A Girl” with Keith Urban. He sounds good on the song. I’m not a big fan of this Keith song, but whatever, they sound great.

The girls are now singing Fergie’s ” Glamorous”. Are you kidding? Fergie can’t sing either. Jasmine is heinous. There is no melody to this song. Fergie comes out and “sings” “Big Girls Don’t Cry”. Ugh. Now the Black Eyed Peas come out to join there wayward girl and launch into whatever this song is ( I’ve been immersed in Green Day’s new album- it’s a classic. I’ve been avoiding BEP at all costs). Why the sudden cut to the Idol sign and no sound?

More Idol awards. Best Attitude. And Bikini Girl is on the list. The only moment all season I liked Kara. And then Kara joins Bikini Girl on stage and sings circles around the girl. ( Kara can sing. Not spectacularly, but she can.)

Ally!!!!! Singing “Time After Time” with Cyndi Lauper. Awesome. Allison loses the lyric a bit. They both sound good in their quirky way. The chorus is gorgeous. I love you, Ally Cat.

Danny is singing “Hello”? SACRELIGE!!!!!!!

But Lionel Richie… well, he’s cool in a cheesy ass way. Too bad he’s singing with DWP. I don’t like this song at all though. Just like DWP. Now some ” All Night Long”. DWP sucks donkey balls.

Now we get Adam’s tape piece in San Fransisco. He kept his promise, indeed. Adam is singing with …, wait, what the fuck is he wearing? He launches with ” Beth”?  KISS!!!!!!!!!!!! KIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! ” Detroit Rock City” is my fave KISS song, and then we get ” Rock And Roll All Nite” and I love Adam right now. Awesomeness.

Still prefer Cyndi and Ally. Just saying.

Carlos Santana is awesome.  Some ” Black Magic Woman”. Loving it. Some Matt Giraud who sounds pretty good with the man. Little off in the lower register. Now some ” smooth”. Love this song. It’s ten years old, you know. Adam joins in. Jorge… this must be the guy song. Kris really sounded good on his line. DWP sucks still.  Nope, the girls join in.  The thirteen together still sound shitty.

Ford video. Whatever.

David gives Adam and Kris cars. I love that. All three seem so nice.

Steve Martin, who is my comedy hero. He’s joining Sarver and Megan. WTF? This is the weirdest thing ever on Idol. Megan still is bizarre. Total surrealist moment.

Gwen has informed me we are watching SYTYCD. Oh boy.

Um… The guys are singing ” If Ya Think I’m Sexy”. Why?  I’m not even a Rod Stewart fan and I feel sorry for the dude. Rod does come out next, and he begins  “Maggie May”, the only Rod Stewart song I believe is perfect. Rod’s voice hasn’t been the same since his surgery. The grit’s there, but the power he had is gone. Sad, really. The song is still awesome, though.

Another Idol award. Oh, shit. Shriekianna. SHIT! I was hoping to avoid the drama queen. Shit. This is bad comedy but I can’t help laughing at the absurdity.

So we are now twenty minutes out of the scheduled end time of Idol. I’m expecting an Adam-Kris moment.

And we get “We Are The Champions”. Queen on Idol. Awesome. Adam is in his zone on this song. Gwen just saw Brian Mays and screamed. Awesome vocals by our top two. I am loving this more than I really should. The swaybots are annoying, but that’s not new. Fucking awesome.

Idol finale returns with Kris and Adam. RyRy goes to Simon and tells Simon to give advice. Simon is not snarky at all. A rare moment. The dude comes out with the results. Almost 100 million votes cast. Dim the lights, here we go. And the winner is… KRIS ALLEN!!!!!!!!

The dark horse actually won the thing? Holy shit!

Off the radar for most of the series, Kris Allen just won American Idol.

He looks stunned and flabbergasted. He can barely form a sentence. Adam looks genuinely happy for Kris.

Wow.

Too bad Kris has to sing that bullshit song again. Poor guy. I forgive the pitchiness and everything right now.

It was an interesting season of Idol, too be sure. And I’ll be back in January to do it all again. Because Idol and I will never break up despite the hell it puts me through.

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Oh, Idol. I had such high hopes.

First off, Idol is mighty proud of itself. It is every season, but that opening tape was incredibly smug and self-congratulatory. Too many shots of Kara speaking absolute bullshit. And RyRy… well, he’s Seacrest. We know he’s a douche.

Anyone one else here had nightmares at the start about the fact Kara co-wrote the coronation song? I did.

So Adam’s parents tell the story about how Adam would scream as a baby ( some things never change…), and Adam launches into ” Mad World”, which was my favorite Adam performance of the year. His vocal was spot on, but I could have lived without the smoke machines ( I did like the Goth ensemble he was wearing, and that he decided to change up the performance from his original one).  We ignore the judges again, as they have nothing new to add.

Kris performed ” Ain’t No Sunshine”, which was my third fave Kris song of the season ( behind ” Falling Slowly” and ” Heartless”). He sounded great. Unlike Adam’s theatrics, Kris was simple and wonderful. Simon gave round one to Kris. I think it was close, but I agree with Simon. I love how Kris’ songs hit me in the small emotional center of my cynical soul.

Simon Fuller picked songs for Adam and Kris, and they were both socially concious soul classics. Adam got Sam Cooke’s legendary ” A Change Is Gonna Come”. Now, as everyone who has read my posts know, there are certain songs that should never be attempted, or at least avoided on Idol. I like Seal’s version of the song, but it still never moves me the way Sam Cooke’s version did. And Adam fell short. Yes, it’s a song that can show off a vocal range like Adam’s, but I found it less soulful and more screamy than necessary. He over sang it.

Kris landed ” What’s Going On”, which is also on that ” don’t sing” list ( I am a devout Marvin Gaye fan- do not mess with his songs). I didn’t like the arrangement, and Kris was flat. Neither of the guys were served well by the songs Simon Fuller picked. I give the edge to Kris still, but it’s still really close. I just liked Kris’ song slightly better than Adam’s. At least Kris was restrained and I felt it in that soft center part of me again.

Kara’s song- ohmigod, what horrible claptrap that is. And it’s impossible to sing, proven by the fact both Adam and Kris were wildly pitchy. When I heard Adam, I was confused as I have never heard him miss that many notes in a song ever, so I wasn’t sure if it was his choices or the fact Kara’s song sucked. When Kris sang and had similar issues ( in a different way), I decided it was Kara’s song.  I think the style of song suits Kris better than Adam ( both are really above that sappy sentimentality), I think Adam was slightly better due to the fct he wasn’t nearly as nervous than Kris. But both were off key for significant parts of the chorus.

I suspect the vote is going to be very close. Look for RyRy to use words like ” biggest vote totals”, ” largest number of calls”, etc. tonight. Idol loves to pump itself up. To be sure, last years finale was a million times better ( and David Cook had nothing to do with that… who am I kidding?).

Tonight will be interesting.

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Today I got a record number eleven spam comments. Oh, and about 65 people read my essay about the modern sitcom. But I digress. Idol never gets me major hits, Chuck and The Big Bang Theory do. Which reminds me- look for upcoming posts on DTTMOT about the finales for all my faves. It’ll just take some time. Chuck will be first. I’m still waiting on my renewal news ( increasingly positive, increasingly looking like Fridays). I was afraid to write it lest my favorite super spy be cancelled out of my life, making me sad. But I am clearly completely off topic here. I’m just writing till the show starts. And promptly beat the 100 word mark by talking about nothing.

So the show begins with a Ben Stiller/Hank Azaria/Bill Hader/Jonah Hill product placement shill crapfest that is honestly the funniest thing to happen on Idol this season ( intentionally funny, I mean. There were many unintentionally hilarious moments). Time waster.

RyRy descends from the glowing steps of death. He informs us 88 million votes came in and 1 million separated first and second ( now I’m really worried about Kris).

Katy Perry is a crappy live singer. A train wreck not involving the Idols tonight in the making.

The Ford video sucks yet again.

Alicia Keys is now onstage.  Another Idol Gives Back moment.  Love her. Noah, the kid she has been talking about, comes out and sings. I can’t do anything but smile. Bright bouncy world music.

We get the hometown journeys tonight. God.

So the trio are backstage and Danny gets called out first. We go with him back to Milwaukee ( Schlemiel… Schlimazel… Hassenpfeffer Incorporated…). I get hometown visits are biased propaganda pieces, so I ignore it and read Tweets instead. ( Collin, I need to find you…). Then the lights dim and RyRy talks… do we need to be reminded about Simon’s insulting to Elliot Yamin “Master class” comment.Then off to the couch.

Kris goes home to Conway (Twitty) Arkansas. ( Sorry, but Conway Twitty really took his stage name from the town). OHHHH…. one of my all time fave songs!!!! “Everybody Wants To Rule The World” for  Kris. Awesomeness!!!!!!!!!! I’m loving it.  I got misty eyed with his mama. RyRy gives the rundown. Then to the couches.

Jordin Sparks and Adam’s tape are up next.  Jordin looks like she’s sparkly stripper dress. But she sounds good, if a little screamy. Not liking the song that much, though.

Adam puts on a crooked smile as he’s called out, and they talk about San Diego. A streaker?  He has insane screamers and a pretty diverse crowd. He goes back to the theater he performed with as a child (aaaaawwwwwww…). We do see the streaker, and a lot of screaming. RyRy dims the lights ( not awashed in blue this time). He recaps the critics and announces Katy Perry. Prepare to be nauseated.

Katy sings her new song, “Waking Up In Vegas With A New STD And A Bad Hangover And Prime Rib In My Teeth”. She’s awful. Terrible.

Please end my misery. No. Commercial. Assholes.

And the lights finally dim, and the first in finale is… Kris!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the person going home is… DANNY! WE DID IT!!!!!

No more Gokey!!!

It’s not my perfect final two ( I miss you Allison…), but it’ll do.

I’m gonna now slam back the rest of my Marg and party.

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First off, I got to tell the idiot spammers thinking I want to see Audrina Partridge nude- I don’t. Not Patricia Heaton. Or anybody else. And my spam collector catches you. And I will never, ever approve your “comments”.  So quit wasting everyone’s time, please. It’s irritating.

Second off, I’m glad they do two songs this week instead of the previous three. Judges choice and singer’s choice, no producer’s choice to screw with the fact Fringe is supposed to start at 9:04 tonight ( FINALE!!! WHOOT! Gwenny loves that show.) It will also not screw with the fact my Bones dvds arrived today and I have a three season marathon awaiting me ( thanks to my beloved Rose for leading me to B&B!!!). The fact is, all the fun of Idol has now been sapped out of me. I only care enough to hope Adam wins so I don’t have to listen to the phrases ” Danny Gokey” and ” American Idol Winner” in the same sentence.

The judges song choices have been out all weekend. Adam gets U2’s “One”, Kris OneRepublic’s ” Apologize”, and DWP ” Dance Little Sister” by Terrance Trent D’Arby. But recently spoiled were the contestant picks- DWP Joe Cocker’s ” You Are so Beautiful”, Adam ” Cryin'” by Aerosmith, and Kris? ” Heartless” by Kanye West. With the guitar. I read that, of course, on MJ’s Big Blog. I’m a little unsure about Kris at this moment fifteen minutes before the show.

So our Idols (plus DWP) went home to visit this week. DWP went to Milwaukee, the home of Laverne and Shirley.  I ignore everything before Danny let’s out his first flat note ( which was,  of course, his first note).  Why did Paula hand over a soulful TTD song to the whitest bread guy alive? And he was off pitch and off cadence again this week. He was constantly half a beat behind the band.  Ignore the judges.

Kris goes next. Kris returns to Arkansas. and he gets a little OneRepublic to sing. Kris has a big voice? Okay… I love Kris, but I’m not going that far. Kris at the piano this time. He’s at least sounding amazing. A little pitchy. He hit his falsetto, which is important in this song. I liked it a lot. I don’t like the song much to start with, but Kris’ version I’d probably buy.  Kara can drop dead.

Adam went to San Diego and gets the U2 song. Bono approved! Adam automatically updates it with a haunting piano and a slight tweak to the melody with out ignoring the original iconic melody, but… There was a little bit of an enunciation issue when he went up to the diva voice,  he was mostly on key, and he tried to do something different with a legendary song. Okay, so I’m not a big fan of the upper register still, I still think it’s too shrill, and that he used it too often on this song.

I’m sorry, but I think round one actually went to Kris. You know, the guy with the tire tracks all over his body due to the shove the judges gave him.

Then there  is Carrie Underwood and some Idol gives back stuff, with that hip hop version Toto’s iconic “Africa” playing in the background. ( Who can hate Toto’s “Africa”).

So we come back to DWP, and he goes with- Joe Cocker? WTF? It is the ultimate DWPing song. Let’s see him all a glow thanks to lighting and have him sing to the heavens now. I’m taking bets right now that’s how it goes down. Kill me now. He lacks the soul and grit of Cocker. And it’s automatically cheesy Spanish style guitar, off key vocals, terrible. I’m never listening to this song ever again. It’s been ruined by GOKEY. BASTARD!

The judges all deserve purgatory for that bullshit they just shovelled out.

Kris and his bold choice is next. Kris most definitely has a better voice than Kanye, and Kris’ version is… cool. Modern. Relevant. It’s a song released in the last twelve months. It’s a moment. I’m loving it more and more as he goes on. I’m buying this!

The judges decided to pull Kris out from under the bus. Is it a bit too late? I hope not.

Adam decides to embrace rock GAWD again and does some Aerosmith. you know, the band that’s been around for forty years but Kara thinks their first album was released in 1993. “Cryin'” is an alright Toxic Twins jam, but nowhere near “Amazing” or “Crazy” of that same album. Adam starts off strong, a little off tempo in the chorus… and I’m not loving the arrangement, and he’s using the diva voice in odd places. Not liking this either, although  it’s a trillion times better than what Danny did.

I actually believe Kris won the night.

Should be the top two- Kris and Adam.

Will be- Danny and Adam. Rose brought up a good point on Twitter to Panzer. Is there anyway for Kris to convert fans at this point when both DWP and Adam have devout fan bases?

Whatever. I have no joy left in this season.

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Minutes before Idol began, Slash tweeted that he would be performing an Alice Cooper song. Nice.

So we get an overhead push in with a single spotlight to RyRy in the pit. This… Is.. American…Chopper. ( no, wait, wrong show). Then we get our weekly lame ass Ford Vid, then a group sing in which the best thing was the fact Slash was playing the guitar ( the man is a God). Danny should add never sing Alice Cooper to his list of things to never do ever again. Kris was blasted out of the water by the band- I could hardly hear him.

Danny’s little selfish answer to RyRy- he wants to fall asleep. Fuck you, DWP. Simon tell Kris humble is not needed anymore (bite me , Simon). Adam says he liked his song, the theme, and the outfit. Danny thinks the note is funny, not anger inducing ( ahem). Allison is feisty still.

Oh, Pauler. Pauler… why do I have to put up with this?  Apparently, I do, and it’s a cheesy bad as her 80s songs were. But slightly better than her cheesy ass 90s songs. Autotune much? Yeah. Still better than Danny’s last note. Cheesy ass ending, though. I’ve used “cheesy” now four times to describe Paula and her music. Cheesy.

RyRy and Paula talk about… well, nothing in particular. No Doubt takes the stage with a classic. ” Just A Girl”. Gwen looks exactly the same. But she sounds off to me. The guys sound good behind her. Gwenny sounds winded, though. The guys sound great. RyRy talks about No Doubt’s tour. That’s good news. I hope she sounds a bit better, as when she talks, she sounds a bit congested.

64 million votes. Right. Whatever. RyRy reminds them the top three get home visits.  We get a tape, where I remember the joy of David Cook from last year and feel a little sad. RyRy calls the top four out. He starts with Allison and Danny.Then he pulls a patented RyRy fake and moves to Adam instead of announcing anything, then Kris. He recaps each performance. RyRy then sends…. Kris!!!!!!!! No fucking way!!!!!!!

Ohmigod… Allison… noooo, please God…. noooo.

Daughtry… awww, he may be a tool, but he still rocks. And let us remind America of the elimination. But it worked out good for him, dinnit? Debuting the new single. I like it. It’s no ” It’s Not Over” or ” Home”, but it’s a nice little rock song. And he gets a five time platinum plaque. Suh-weet!

Back to the job at hand and we get… Adam back to the stools.

Danny vs. Allison. My nightmare. Oh, God… And Danny is…. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

That’s it. Idol. You and I are breaking up right after Adam wins this thing.

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