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Emmy Nominees Announced!

Below are the nominees for the major categories of the Emmys nominations released earlier today. I will post my thoughts and picks in the near future, but needless to say, the Emmy voters got more right than usual, but why do people who hate television so much get to select what is the best of television?

 

Best Drama

Big Love

Breaking Bad

Damages

Dexter

House

Lost

Mad Men

Best Comedy

Entourage

Family Guy

Flight of the Conchords

How I Met Your Mother

The Office

30 Rock

Weeds

Best Television Mini Series

Generation Kill

Little Dorrit

Best Television Movie

Coco Chanel

Grey Gardens

Into The Storm

Prayers for Bobby

Taking Chance

Best Reality Competition Series

The Amazing Race

American Idol

Dancing With The Stars

Project Runway

Top Chef

Best Reality Series

Antiques Roadshow

Dirty Jobs

Dog Whisperer

Intervention

Kathy Griffin: My Life On the D List

Mythbusters

Best Variety, Music, or Comedy Special

Will Ferrell: You’re Welcome America: A Final Night with George W. Bush

Ricky Gervais: Out Of England

Kathy Griffin: She’ll Cut A Bitch

The Kennedy Center Honors

Chris Rock: Kill The Messenger

Best Variety, Music, or Comedy Series

The Colbert Report

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

Late Show with David Letterman

Real Time with Bill Maher

Saturday Night Live

Best Actor Drama

Simon Baker The Mentalist

Gabriel Byrne In Treatment

Bryan Cranston Breaking Bad

Michael C. Hall Dexter

Jon Hamm Mad Men

Hugh Laurie House

Best Actor Comedy

Alec Baldwin 30 Rock

Steve Carrell The Office

Jermaine Clement Flight of the Conchords

Jim Parsons The Big Bang Theory

Tony Shaloub Monk

Charlie Sheen Two And A Half Men

Best Actor Mini Series or Movie

Kevin Bacon Taking Chance

Kenneth Branagh Wallander: One Step Behind

Kevin Kline Cyrano de Bergerac: Great Performances

Brendan Gleeson Into The Storm

Sir Ian McKellan King Lear: Great Performances

Keifer Sutherland 24: Redemption

Best Actress Drama

Glenn Close Damages

Sally Field Brothers and Sisters

Mariska Hargitay Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

Holly Hunter Saving Grace

Elisabeth Moss Mad Men

Kyra Sedgwick The Closer

Best Actress Comedy

Christina Applegate Samantha Who?

Toni Colette United States of Tara

Julia Louis- Dreyfus The New Adventures of Old Christine

Tina Fey 30 Rock

Mary Louise Parker Weeds

Sarah Silverman The Sarah Silverman Program

Best Actress Mini Series or Movie

Drew Barrymore Grey Gardens

Jessica Lange Grey Gardens

Shirley MacLaine Coco Chanel

Sigourney Weaver Prayers For Bobby

Chandra Wilson Accidental Friendship

Best Reality Host

Tom Bergeron Dancing With the Stars

Phil Keoghan The Amazing Race

Heidi Klum Project Runway

Padma Lakshimi and Tom Colicchio Top Chef

Jeff Probst Survivor

Ryan Seacrest American Idol

Best Supporting Actor Drama

Christian Clemenson Boston Legal

Michael Emerson Lost

William Hurt Damages

Aaron Paul Breaking Bad

William Shatner Boston Legal

John Slattery Mad Men

Best Supporting Actor Comedy

Jon Cryer Two and a Half Men

Kevin Dillon Entourage

Neil Patrick Harris How I Met Your Mother

Jack McBrayer 30 Rock

Tracy Morgan 30 Rock

Rainn Wilson The Office

Best Supporting Actor Mini Series or Movie

Len Cariou Into The Storm

Tom Courteney Little Dorrit

Ken Howard Grey Gardens

Bob Newhart The Librarian: Curse of the Judas Chalice

Andy Serkis Little Dorrit

Best Supporting Actress Drama

Rose Byrne Damages

Hope Davis In Treatment

Cherry Jones 24

Sandra Oh Grey’s Anatomy

Dianne Weist In Treatment

Chandra Wilson Grey’s Anatomy

Best Supporting Actress Comedy

Kristen Chenoweth Pushing Daisies

Jane Krakowski 30 Rock

Elizabeth Perkins Weeds

Amy Poehler Saturday Night Live

Kristin Wiig Saturday Night Live

Vanessa L. Williams Ugly Betty

Best Supporting Actress Mini Series or Movie

Shohreh Aghdashloo House of Saddam

Marcia Gay Harden The Courageous Heart of Irena Sendler

Janet McTeer Into The Storm

Jeanne Triplehorn Grey Gardens

Cicely Tyson Relative Stranger

Best Actor in a Guest Role Drama

Ed Asner ER

Ted Danson Damages

Ernest Borgnine ER

Michael J. Fox Rescue Me

Jimmy Smits Dexter

Best Actor in a Guest Role Comedy

Alan Alda 30 Rock

Beau Bridges Desperate Housewives

Jon Hamm 30 Rock

Steve Martin 30 Rock

Justin Timberlake Saturday Night Live

Best Actress in a Guest Role Drama

Brenda Blethyn Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

Carol Burnett  Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

Ellen Burstyn  Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

Sharon Lawrence Grey’s Anatomy

CCH Pounder No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency

Best Actress in a Guest Role Comedy

Jennifer Aniston 30 Rock

Christine Baranski The Big Bang Theory

Tina Fey Saturday Night Live

Gena Rowlands Monk

Elaine Stritch 30 Rock

Betty White My Name Is Earl

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First, the good news.

Best Comedy Series

The Big Bang Theory (CBS)

Years of Devotion to How I Met Your Mother and Scrubs has been painful at times, as both of these hilarious but criminally under watched shows suffered from time slot shifts and near cancellation more than once. But HIMYM‘s fifth season was all but assured this year as it experienced a small uptick thanks to it’s new lead in. Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady’s superior Friends meets Seinfeld meets SciFi convention multicam sitcom has quickly become the most reliable funny show on the boob tube.

Best Comedic Performance- Male

Jim Parsons as Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory

The lanky actor with a slight lisp and a gift for comedic OCD reactions has been the breakout  star on a solid ensemble cast. A virtual unknown before the show, he has quickly become the front man for the cast, doing more press than all the others four combined. And if anyone has seen his spots on Craig Ferguson, he is charming, funny, and Un-Sheldonlike. But nothing tops TBBT Christmas episode, in which Sheldon hugs Penny ( Kaley Cuoco)- that is physical comedy at it’s best.

Best Comedic Performance- Female

Jane Krakowski as Jenna on 30 Rock

She has always been funny ( look at her character on Ally McBeal), but this year, Jenna has been inspired, even profane ( black face? Seriously?). Jane and Tracy Morgan are making a brilliantly idiotic comic team. Jenna’s vacuous presence makes up for a more uneven season.

Best Drama Series

Chuck (NBC)

Okay, it’s one of the funniest shows on TV. But this spy dramedy mashup is also one of the most affecting shows I have ever had the privilege to watch. The Josh Schwartz /Chris Fedak run show has vastly improved in it’s second season ( and it’s first, strike shortened season wasn’t bad to begin with). Wildly inventive while being almost religiously devoted to geek world references ( plus a deep love of the 80s- the show adores Spies Like Us to the point of ridiculousness, but you love every minute of it). Bonus- an awesome soundtrack. Well, it is a Josh Schwartz show.

Best Dramatic Performance- Male

Zachary Levi as Chuck Bartowski, Chuck

We in the know and who loved Less than Perfect  remember Levi as being comically gifted ( and a great singer- ” Luck be A Lady” was a series highlight for me). But his portrayal of the Nerd Herder with a government computer in his brain is a gentle mix of comedy and pathos. He breaks my heart as often as he makes me laugh. And now that he knows kung fu, I’m all agog. Brilliant.

Best Dramatic Performance- Female

Elisabeth Moss as Peggy Olsen, Mad Men

As the girl who walks into the mean manly man world of advertising, she delivers a subtle, heart breaking performance. She has suffered tremendously for her ambition on both a personal and a professional level, but do not mistake her for a pushover. Moss, so winning on The West Wing as Zoey Bartlett, has really grown into a spectacularly nuanced actress.

Best Series Finale- Till it wasn’t

Scrubs (ABC)

In perfect cohesion with the rest of the series. Everyone was there. Hooch really is crazy. Beardface, Snoop Dogg Intern/Resident, Gloria, even those who have passed. A sweet sentimental moment where J.D. ( Zach Braff- still so good here) sees his future. Small cameo by Bill Lawrence himself. Then ABC ruins my deep affection for this perfect episode of a much beloved network cannon fodder show by bringing it back for a ninth season. It still is a moving show, but I can’t imagine Scrubs without J.D.

Best Series Finale That Is Actually A Finale

ER (NBC)

The Thursday night lead out for fifteen seasons, ER  stopped being the big focus of NBC somewhere around the time George Clooney left. Lord knows I barely watched it in the last decade. But I tuned in all the same. And it, too, was a perfect finale. In fact, it really wasn’t a finale at all. Yes, old timer cast members came back for a visit, but it felt organic, not forced. The episode mirrored the pilot in many ways, yes, but it felt like it was true to the show as a whole. It was special because it wasn’t special.

And now the bad:

Worst “Comedy”

Kath and Kim ( NBC)

Just not funny. Too bad. I love Molly Shannon.

Worst ” Drama”

Knight Rider ( NBC)

This show wasn’t that good in the 80s when Hasselhoff was the MAN. Did Silverman and co. really think it would work now?

Moments from the season that should be remembered:

  • Adam Lambert’s gorgeous version of ” Mad World”, Kris Allen’s stunning rendition of ” Falling Slowly”, Allison Iraheta ‘s exquisite ” Someone To Watch Over Me”, and whatever that note was that Danny Gokey let loose at the end of ” Dream On” which wasn’t even human. ( American Idol)
  • An injury plagued season of Dancing With The Stars that was more entertaining than it had any right to be.
  • Barney Stinson is in love with Robin Sherbatsky!
  • While we’re on the topic of HIMYM, damn, they did the lamest/coolest job of hiding Alyson Hannigan and Cobie Smulders pregnancies.
  • I cannot reiterate how hilarious the hug Sheldon gave Penny in the Christmas episode of The Big Bang Theory is. Just genius.
  • Chuck Bass says ” I love you”. Twice.
  • The entire second season of Chuck. This show is so much better than Heroes.
  • House losing his mind. Kutner’s suicide. Amber. Huddy sex that wasn’t real.  ( House).
  • The performance of Harvey Keitel in the short but glorious run of ABC’s Life On Mars. yes, I was the person watching.
  • Barack Obama elected to the office of President of the United States of America. ( every network imaginable).
  • The Daily Show
  • The White Stripes showing up to sing ” We Are Going To be friends” on Conan O’Brien’s last Late Night
  • Jimmy Fallon not totally sucking as he took over Conan’s slot.
  • Jimmy is still no match for Craig Ferguson’s The Late Late Show.
  • The Colbert Report
  • Hugh Jackman hosting the Oscars. The Theater geek in me died a glorious,rapturous death. I loved most of it.
  • Gray Gardens
  • Almost everything on the Food Network’s prime time sked.

So this lead me to the question of the day. What was your highlight of the 2008-2009 TV season?

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Idol is being self congratulatory again. I know it’s a ratings powerhouse, but this is ridiculous. It’s not like Simon Fuller has discovered the cure for cancer.

Gwen asks why they are wearing white. Oy.

I’m looking forward to tonight. All the pressure is off. But can Kris and Adam sing together without sounding totally weird?

Kris was leading on Dial Idol this morning, but by negligible numbers. Kris also barely won the TV Guide poll. I’m just passing this on for info sake.

Kris and Adam’s mics don’t work. Ha!

The top thirteen launch into a haphazard version of Pink’s ” So What”. The thirteen sound atrocious together. They always have. ” And you’re a tool” made the cut. Snickers. Awful off key notes left and right. Last year’s top twelve were truly much better as a collective.

RyRy=smarmy ass.

David!!!!! ” Permanent”!!!! Whoot! And he sounds great. God, I’ve missed him on this show. And everyone buy the song.

Idol Awards- a moment of levity. Some awful performances. Everyone laugh at the deluded.But we get NickNorman again. God, I love the guy.

Lil sings with Queen Latifah, and The Queen sings circles around the Lil one.

Jason Mraz!!! With Alexis and Anoop. I love this song. I love Mraz. I love Alexis and Anoop. I love this. Best of the current Idol performances so far.

We get a Kris tape piece. We found him in Kentucky, remember? He’s such a sweet guy. And he sings ” Kiss A Girl” with Keith Urban. He sounds good on the song. I’m not a big fan of this Keith song, but whatever, they sound great.

The girls are now singing Fergie’s ” Glamorous”. Are you kidding? Fergie can’t sing either. Jasmine is heinous. There is no melody to this song. Fergie comes out and “sings” “Big Girls Don’t Cry”. Ugh. Now the Black Eyed Peas come out to join there wayward girl and launch into whatever this song is ( I’ve been immersed in Green Day’s new album- it’s a classic. I’ve been avoiding BEP at all costs). Why the sudden cut to the Idol sign and no sound?

More Idol awards. Best Attitude. And Bikini Girl is on the list. The only moment all season I liked Kara. And then Kara joins Bikini Girl on stage and sings circles around the girl. ( Kara can sing. Not spectacularly, but she can.)

Ally!!!!! Singing “Time After Time” with Cyndi Lauper. Awesome. Allison loses the lyric a bit. They both sound good in their quirky way. The chorus is gorgeous. I love you, Ally Cat.

Danny is singing “Hello”? SACRELIGE!!!!!!!

But Lionel Richie… well, he’s cool in a cheesy ass way. Too bad he’s singing with DWP. I don’t like this song at all though. Just like DWP. Now some ” All Night Long”. DWP sucks donkey balls.

Now we get Adam’s tape piece in San Fransisco. He kept his promise, indeed. Adam is singing with …, wait, what the fuck is he wearing? He launches with ” Beth”?  KISS!!!!!!!!!!!! KIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! ” Detroit Rock City” is my fave KISS song, and then we get ” Rock And Roll All Nite” and I love Adam right now. Awesomeness.

Still prefer Cyndi and Ally. Just saying.

Carlos Santana is awesome.  Some ” Black Magic Woman”. Loving it. Some Matt Giraud who sounds pretty good with the man. Little off in the lower register. Now some ” smooth”. Love this song. It’s ten years old, you know. Adam joins in. Jorge… this must be the guy song. Kris really sounded good on his line. DWP sucks still.  Nope, the girls join in.  The thirteen together still sound shitty.

Ford video. Whatever.

David gives Adam and Kris cars. I love that. All three seem so nice.

Steve Martin, who is my comedy hero. He’s joining Sarver and Megan. WTF? This is the weirdest thing ever on Idol. Megan still is bizarre. Total surrealist moment.

Gwen has informed me we are watching SYTYCD. Oh boy.

Um… The guys are singing ” If Ya Think I’m Sexy”. Why?  I’m not even a Rod Stewart fan and I feel sorry for the dude. Rod does come out next, and he begins  “Maggie May”, the only Rod Stewart song I believe is perfect. Rod’s voice hasn’t been the same since his surgery. The grit’s there, but the power he had is gone. Sad, really. The song is still awesome, though.

Another Idol award. Oh, shit. Shriekianna. SHIT! I was hoping to avoid the drama queen. Shit. This is bad comedy but I can’t help laughing at the absurdity.

So we are now twenty minutes out of the scheduled end time of Idol. I’m expecting an Adam-Kris moment.

And we get “We Are The Champions”. Queen on Idol. Awesome. Adam is in his zone on this song. Gwen just saw Brian Mays and screamed. Awesome vocals by our top two. I am loving this more than I really should. The swaybots are annoying, but that’s not new. Fucking awesome.

Idol finale returns with Kris and Adam. RyRy goes to Simon and tells Simon to give advice. Simon is not snarky at all. A rare moment. The dude comes out with the results. Almost 100 million votes cast. Dim the lights, here we go. And the winner is… KRIS ALLEN!!!!!!!!

The dark horse actually won the thing? Holy shit!

Off the radar for most of the series, Kris Allen just won American Idol.

He looks stunned and flabbergasted. He can barely form a sentence. Adam looks genuinely happy for Kris.

Wow.

Too bad Kris has to sing that bullshit song again. Poor guy. I forgive the pitchiness and everything right now.

It was an interesting season of Idol, too be sure. And I’ll be back in January to do it all again. Because Idol and I will never break up despite the hell it puts me through.

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Oh, Idol. I had such high hopes.

First off, Idol is mighty proud of itself. It is every season, but that opening tape was incredibly smug and self-congratulatory. Too many shots of Kara speaking absolute bullshit. And RyRy… well, he’s Seacrest. We know he’s a douche.

Anyone one else here had nightmares at the start about the fact Kara co-wrote the coronation song? I did.

So Adam’s parents tell the story about how Adam would scream as a baby ( some things never change…), and Adam launches into ” Mad World”, which was my favorite Adam performance of the year. His vocal was spot on, but I could have lived without the smoke machines ( I did like the Goth ensemble he was wearing, and that he decided to change up the performance from his original one).  We ignore the judges again, as they have nothing new to add.

Kris performed ” Ain’t No Sunshine”, which was my third fave Kris song of the season ( behind ” Falling Slowly” and ” Heartless”). He sounded great. Unlike Adam’s theatrics, Kris was simple and wonderful. Simon gave round one to Kris. I think it was close, but I agree with Simon. I love how Kris’ songs hit me in the small emotional center of my cynical soul.

Simon Fuller picked songs for Adam and Kris, and they were both socially concious soul classics. Adam got Sam Cooke’s legendary ” A Change Is Gonna Come”. Now, as everyone who has read my posts know, there are certain songs that should never be attempted, or at least avoided on Idol. I like Seal’s version of the song, but it still never moves me the way Sam Cooke’s version did. And Adam fell short. Yes, it’s a song that can show off a vocal range like Adam’s, but I found it less soulful and more screamy than necessary. He over sang it.

Kris landed ” What’s Going On”, which is also on that ” don’t sing” list ( I am a devout Marvin Gaye fan- do not mess with his songs). I didn’t like the arrangement, and Kris was flat. Neither of the guys were served well by the songs Simon Fuller picked. I give the edge to Kris still, but it’s still really close. I just liked Kris’ song slightly better than Adam’s. At least Kris was restrained and I felt it in that soft center part of me again.

Kara’s song- ohmigod, what horrible claptrap that is. And it’s impossible to sing, proven by the fact both Adam and Kris were wildly pitchy. When I heard Adam, I was confused as I have never heard him miss that many notes in a song ever, so I wasn’t sure if it was his choices or the fact Kara’s song sucked. When Kris sang and had similar issues ( in a different way), I decided it was Kara’s song.  I think the style of song suits Kris better than Adam ( both are really above that sappy sentimentality), I think Adam was slightly better due to the fct he wasn’t nearly as nervous than Kris. But both were off key for significant parts of the chorus.

I suspect the vote is going to be very close. Look for RyRy to use words like ” biggest vote totals”, ” largest number of calls”, etc. tonight. Idol loves to pump itself up. To be sure, last years finale was a million times better ( and David Cook had nothing to do with that… who am I kidding?).

Tonight will be interesting.

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Today I got a record number eleven spam comments. Oh, and about 65 people read my essay about the modern sitcom. But I digress. Idol never gets me major hits, Chuck and The Big Bang Theory do. Which reminds me- look for upcoming posts on DTTMOT about the finales for all my faves. It’ll just take some time. Chuck will be first. I’m still waiting on my renewal news ( increasingly positive, increasingly looking like Fridays). I was afraid to write it lest my favorite super spy be cancelled out of my life, making me sad. But I am clearly completely off topic here. I’m just writing till the show starts. And promptly beat the 100 word mark by talking about nothing.

So the show begins with a Ben Stiller/Hank Azaria/Bill Hader/Jonah Hill product placement shill crapfest that is honestly the funniest thing to happen on Idol this season ( intentionally funny, I mean. There were many unintentionally hilarious moments). Time waster.

RyRy descends from the glowing steps of death. He informs us 88 million votes came in and 1 million separated first and second ( now I’m really worried about Kris).

Katy Perry is a crappy live singer. A train wreck not involving the Idols tonight in the making.

The Ford video sucks yet again.

Alicia Keys is now onstage.  Another Idol Gives Back moment.  Love her. Noah, the kid she has been talking about, comes out and sings. I can’t do anything but smile. Bright bouncy world music.

We get the hometown journeys tonight. God.

So the trio are backstage and Danny gets called out first. We go with him back to Milwaukee ( Schlemiel… Schlimazel… Hassenpfeffer Incorporated…). I get hometown visits are biased propaganda pieces, so I ignore it and read Tweets instead. ( Collin, I need to find you…). Then the lights dim and RyRy talks… do we need to be reminded about Simon’s insulting to Elliot Yamin “Master class” comment.Then off to the couch.

Kris goes home to Conway (Twitty) Arkansas. ( Sorry, but Conway Twitty really took his stage name from the town). OHHHH…. one of my all time fave songs!!!! “Everybody Wants To Rule The World” for  Kris. Awesomeness!!!!!!!!!! I’m loving it.  I got misty eyed with his mama. RyRy gives the rundown. Then to the couches.

Jordin Sparks and Adam’s tape are up next.  Jordin looks like she’s sparkly stripper dress. But she sounds good, if a little screamy. Not liking the song that much, though.

Adam puts on a crooked smile as he’s called out, and they talk about San Diego. A streaker?  He has insane screamers and a pretty diverse crowd. He goes back to the theater he performed with as a child (aaaaawwwwwww…). We do see the streaker, and a lot of screaming. RyRy dims the lights ( not awashed in blue this time). He recaps the critics and announces Katy Perry. Prepare to be nauseated.

Katy sings her new song, “Waking Up In Vegas With A New STD And A Bad Hangover And Prime Rib In My Teeth”. She’s awful. Terrible.

Please end my misery. No. Commercial. Assholes.

And the lights finally dim, and the first in finale is… Kris!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the person going home is… DANNY! WE DID IT!!!!!

No more Gokey!!!

It’s not my perfect final two ( I miss you Allison…), but it’ll do.

I’m gonna now slam back the rest of my Marg and party.

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First off, I got to tell the idiot spammers thinking I want to see Audrina Partridge nude- I don’t. Not Patricia Heaton. Or anybody else. And my spam collector catches you. And I will never, ever approve your “comments”.  So quit wasting everyone’s time, please. It’s irritating.

Second off, I’m glad they do two songs this week instead of the previous three. Judges choice and singer’s choice, no producer’s choice to screw with the fact Fringe is supposed to start at 9:04 tonight ( FINALE!!! WHOOT! Gwenny loves that show.) It will also not screw with the fact my Bones dvds arrived today and I have a three season marathon awaiting me ( thanks to my beloved Rose for leading me to B&B!!!). The fact is, all the fun of Idol has now been sapped out of me. I only care enough to hope Adam wins so I don’t have to listen to the phrases ” Danny Gokey” and ” American Idol Winner” in the same sentence.

The judges song choices have been out all weekend. Adam gets U2’s “One”, Kris OneRepublic’s ” Apologize”, and DWP ” Dance Little Sister” by Terrance Trent D’Arby. But recently spoiled were the contestant picks- DWP Joe Cocker’s ” You Are so Beautiful”, Adam ” Cryin'” by Aerosmith, and Kris? ” Heartless” by Kanye West. With the guitar. I read that, of course, on MJ’s Big Blog. I’m a little unsure about Kris at this moment fifteen minutes before the show.

So our Idols (plus DWP) went home to visit this week. DWP went to Milwaukee, the home of Laverne and Shirley.  I ignore everything before Danny let’s out his first flat note ( which was,  of course, his first note).  Why did Paula hand over a soulful TTD song to the whitest bread guy alive? And he was off pitch and off cadence again this week. He was constantly half a beat behind the band.  Ignore the judges.

Kris goes next. Kris returns to Arkansas. and he gets a little OneRepublic to sing. Kris has a big voice? Okay… I love Kris, but I’m not going that far. Kris at the piano this time. He’s at least sounding amazing. A little pitchy. He hit his falsetto, which is important in this song. I liked it a lot. I don’t like the song much to start with, but Kris’ version I’d probably buy.  Kara can drop dead.

Adam went to San Diego and gets the U2 song. Bono approved! Adam automatically updates it with a haunting piano and a slight tweak to the melody with out ignoring the original iconic melody, but… There was a little bit of an enunciation issue when he went up to the diva voice,  he was mostly on key, and he tried to do something different with a legendary song. Okay, so I’m not a big fan of the upper register still, I still think it’s too shrill, and that he used it too often on this song.

I’m sorry, but I think round one actually went to Kris. You know, the guy with the tire tracks all over his body due to the shove the judges gave him.

Then there  is Carrie Underwood and some Idol gives back stuff, with that hip hop version Toto’s iconic “Africa” playing in the background. ( Who can hate Toto’s “Africa”).

So we come back to DWP, and he goes with- Joe Cocker? WTF? It is the ultimate DWPing song. Let’s see him all a glow thanks to lighting and have him sing to the heavens now. I’m taking bets right now that’s how it goes down. Kill me now. He lacks the soul and grit of Cocker. And it’s automatically cheesy Spanish style guitar, off key vocals, terrible. I’m never listening to this song ever again. It’s been ruined by GOKEY. BASTARD!

The judges all deserve purgatory for that bullshit they just shovelled out.

Kris and his bold choice is next. Kris most definitely has a better voice than Kanye, and Kris’ version is… cool. Modern. Relevant. It’s a song released in the last twelve months. It’s a moment. I’m loving it more and more as he goes on. I’m buying this!

The judges decided to pull Kris out from under the bus. Is it a bit too late? I hope not.

Adam decides to embrace rock GAWD again and does some Aerosmith. you know, the band that’s been around for forty years but Kara thinks their first album was released in 1993. “Cryin'” is an alright Toxic Twins jam, but nowhere near “Amazing” or “Crazy” of that same album. Adam starts off strong, a little off tempo in the chorus… and I’m not loving the arrangement, and he’s using the diva voice in odd places. Not liking this either, although  it’s a trillion times better than what Danny did.

I actually believe Kris won the night.

Should be the top two- Kris and Adam.

Will be- Danny and Adam. Rose brought up a good point on Twitter to Panzer. Is there anyway for Kris to convert fans at this point when both DWP and Adam have devout fan bases?

Whatever. I have no joy left in this season.

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Minutes before Idol began, Slash tweeted that he would be performing an Alice Cooper song. Nice.

So we get an overhead push in with a single spotlight to RyRy in the pit. This… Is.. American…Chopper. ( no, wait, wrong show). Then we get our weekly lame ass Ford Vid, then a group sing in which the best thing was the fact Slash was playing the guitar ( the man is a God). Danny should add never sing Alice Cooper to his list of things to never do ever again. Kris was blasted out of the water by the band- I could hardly hear him.

Danny’s little selfish answer to RyRy- he wants to fall asleep. Fuck you, DWP. Simon tell Kris humble is not needed anymore (bite me , Simon). Adam says he liked his song, the theme, and the outfit. Danny thinks the note is funny, not anger inducing ( ahem). Allison is feisty still.

Oh, Pauler. Pauler… why do I have to put up with this?  Apparently, I do, and it’s a cheesy bad as her 80s songs were. But slightly better than her cheesy ass 90s songs. Autotune much? Yeah. Still better than Danny’s last note. Cheesy ass ending, though. I’ve used “cheesy” now four times to describe Paula and her music. Cheesy.

RyRy and Paula talk about… well, nothing in particular. No Doubt takes the stage with a classic. ” Just A Girl”. Gwen looks exactly the same. But she sounds off to me. The guys sound good behind her. Gwenny sounds winded, though. The guys sound great. RyRy talks about No Doubt’s tour. That’s good news. I hope she sounds a bit better, as when she talks, she sounds a bit congested.

64 million votes. Right. Whatever. RyRy reminds them the top three get home visits.  We get a tape, where I remember the joy of David Cook from last year and feel a little sad. RyRy calls the top four out. He starts with Allison and Danny.Then he pulls a patented RyRy fake and moves to Adam instead of announcing anything, then Kris. He recaps each performance. RyRy then sends…. Kris!!!!!!!! No fucking way!!!!!!!

Ohmigod… Allison… noooo, please God…. noooo.

Daughtry… awww, he may be a tool, but he still rocks. And let us remind America of the elimination. But it worked out good for him, dinnit? Debuting the new single. I like it. It’s no ” It’s Not Over” or ” Home”, but it’s a nice little rock song. And he gets a five time platinum plaque. Suh-weet!

Back to the job at hand and we get… Adam back to the stools.

Danny vs. Allison. My nightmare. Oh, God… And Danny is…. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

That’s it. Idol. You and I are breaking up right after Adam wins this thing.

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So, I’ve been in a Chuck coma for the past week, after an awesome finale last Monday and then the jerking around NBC has done on Chuck fans this past week, cumulating  in the announcement that the show would not be in Monday’s in-fronts, and that we have to wait another fifteen days. At least I have Idol now to take my mind off of how much I hate NBC right now. Since all my other weekly shows are coming back, I have had the unfortunate circumstance of obsession on one network, one time slot, one show, one schedule. Damn, fangirlishness is tough when it gets focused.

So this weeks Idol is all about rock and roll, everyone, my favorite theme every year. The rumor mill has been running wild, with the idea floating about duets this week, and then there was the announcement that Slash, the greatest guitarist since Hendrix, was the mentor. How frakkin’ awesome! SLASH! The man who gave us the riffs to ” Paradise City”, ” Sweet Child O’ Mine”, and “November Rain”. The man is a GOD!

So, first, the stunning news the Idols didn’t get their proper rehearsal due to the Idol set trying to collapse around them earlier today. Then the news that the duet rumor was in fact true. Then, to top it all of- Adam got a ZEPPELIN song cleared. ( I didn’t think it would happen, therefore left “Whole Lotta Love” off my list). And it was the Adam performance I had been waiting for all season. He nailed it. I loved every second of it. He did exactly what I have kept saying- he used his lower range as a base vocal and used his wildly expressive upper range sparingly and at the proper moments. ( Slash mentioned that as well in his mentor moment). Perfect.

Allison decided on the Joplin track, and I was scared until she opened her mouth. She was flawless, and made me a believer all over again. She looked good tonight, too. Randy and Kara are on  crack.

Full disclosure. I hate Styx with a passion usually reserved for people who think the best album of all time is Britney Spears’ ” Baby One More Time”. So the song  was not a fave. But I thought Kris was better than Danny, who was wildly off pitch when he shouldn’t have been. Kris also was better on the performance side. Danny was stiff.

Kris is tackling ” Come Together”, and I thought it was not a perfect choice, but he sounded good, his guitar work was amazing, and it was impressive from a guy I didn’t expect to rock it that hard. The judges are still on crack.

Danny doing “Dream On”? Are you kidding me? This song is one of the most difficult in rock, and it’s been done to death. And it has never been done well on Idol. Ever. This has train wreck written all over it. And it was a bit of a train wreck. He was off key, and off cadence. And did he do a little scat thing after the first line of the chorus? Simon almost redeems himself with calling Danny out on that last note. And the judges are rightly critical of the song ( if only they didn’t temper that with backdoor compliments). Worst of the four.

Adam and Allison get teamed up with a duet. This is where Adam’s ensemble work has got to come in handy. And they take Foghat’s classic ” sLow ride” and kicked it hard core. It was awesome. Beyond awesome.

Top two- Adam and Allison.

Bottom Two- Kris and Danny.

Should go home- Danny.

Probably will go home- Kris. Sadly.

Danny was really the worst of the night.

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So, off the top- the Ford commercial is lame, the group sing was only slightly better than usual, and the judges are stupid. ( Well, they haven’t done anything offensive as of this moment, but it bears repeating.)

The typical breakdown that Idol does for top five week, creating two groups of two and making the fifth choose a group. This year, RyRy sent Matty and Kris to the one side, Allison and Danny to the other, making Adam choose between the two. Usually, they announce the fifth person safe and then makes them choose. This year, I got suspicious when RyRy didn’t call Adam safe.  Adam went and joined Danny and Allison, when RyRy pulled a switcheroo and announced that no, DWP and my beloved Allison were in fact safe, and Matty, Adam, and Kris were the bottom three.

Natalie Cole looks really good for someone who is as ill as she is reported to be and she sounds great.  Some pitch issues, but she’s a legend. I forgive legends.

Taylor Hicks? Ugh.

Taylor looks pretty much the same. I’m not impressed though. His song is tolerable but nothing special.

Matty, Kris, and Adam come back and the person sitting back at the couch is-Kris.

RyRy didn’t say bottom two, so I don’t know who is bottom two.

EW has been predicting this week could be a shocking elimination. I would think if Adam went, that is beyond shocking…

I don’t like this song (the video’s cool, but the song sucks). Jamie Foxx can go away now.

RyRy calls Simon out, and Simon take sit rather well ( but smugly). Adam is announced safe ( the right call), and Matty goes home for real this time.

Next week is Rock week, and Slash is supposed to be the mentor. The coolest Idol mentor ever!

Till next week.

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Idol News

Apparently, this is happening next week:

SlashHudson I’m going to attempt to make “Rock Week” on American Idol exactly that. # fb

Slash is going to be on EFFING IDOL????

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Idol and standards weeks has previously delivered some great performances- Kelly Clarkson’s ” Stuff Like That There”, Fantasia’s ” Summertime” immediately come to mind.  But it’s a week that always worries me, because there might be a desire by the Idols in the effort for relevance to strip the melodies of classic, beautiful songs to sound newer.

The mentor tonight is Jamie Foxx, who can nail a standard like no one’s business ( I love his version of ” Georgia On My Mind”, while his R&B leaves me kinda cold despite his obvious musical gifts).

Kris begins the night with a lovely, tender version of ” The way You Look Tonight” ( one of my all time faves) that turned into a gentle swing at the end. I loved it, his voice was superb, and I felt it. The judges seemed pleasant but overall underwhelmed. Shove it up your asses.

Allison comes out with ” Someone To Watch Over Me”, which she kept simple. The attitude all came from her natural tone. It was amazing and worthy of high praise that she didn’t get. Bite me judges.

Matt did ” My Funny Valentine”, one of the hardest songs to sing of all time ( it’s another one of those songs that on the surface seems easy due to a simple sounding melody, but the song’s phrasing is incredibly difficult). It was fine, nothing spectacular, and I think he’s bottom two.

DWP- I just- I am pissed off about that. He sounded angry and snarling at points, and then he screamed the last quarter of the song, and he was praised to high heaven for it? Fuck them all. It was the worst performance of the night, not that ANYONE CARES!

Adam- I really like Adam personally. I do. I think he’s swell and there is an open invite to come party with me. But I didn’t like it. I’m sorry. I thought it was screamy at points,  a little wild vocally, although this was the first time in weeks he did an upbeat number that I watched without feeling completely overwhelmed by the sheer force of personality he brings. But I just didn’t like it.  I didn’t hate it, but I do not think that is was the best of the night ( that goes, once again, to Kris).

This is an interesting season for me. I’m learning something about my music tastes, and it turns out I like theatrical artistry when they know when to let go and when to reign it in. Freddie Mercury was a master at this  , and I’m sorry, Adam is no where near Freddie level in balancing the theatrical and the artistry, although he shows promise in learning. I enjoy Kris’ controlled, singer songwriter vibe, but I always dug the folkie thing. And Allison- well, I love authentic rockers, since most are fakers to begin with. That voice is genuine. DWP and Matty are interchangeable with dozens of other artists. If Adam, Kris, or Allison wins this year, I consider it a victory that America really wants interesting artists in their musical landscape instead of the crap labels keep trying to feed them. But I am not at David Cook level passionate level for any of those three, and Adam keeps aggravating me with the overblown theatrics ( I’m also not a fan of Allison’s clothes or Kris’s monkey face).

Bottom two- should be Danny and Matt, will be Allison and Matt and Matt’s probably going home.

Fave of the night- again, it’s Kris. I love that song and I loved the fact he kept it simple and sang it well. Allison’s my second.

Adam is where he usually is for me, in the middle, sitting beside me on the fence, asking me what he could do to win me over.

Be up against Danny in the finals is the easiest way. Harder will be to show me that he can rock without the insanity.

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Fucking Idol had to remind me of Paula’s “sexy” comment for DWP last night? Why does Idol hate me so when all I do is love snark it?

Anyhoo, tonight’s Idol will be interrupted as I will watch part of the East coast Letterman feed- one of my future husbands is on, and the EC feed of Letterman coincides with the WC feed of Idol. And the mid part of Idol sucks. But it serves me right for having a nap after dinner and falling asleep.

Choreographer Paula is my favorite Paula because she was really meant to be that choreographer. She looks focused and- well, normal.

The Idols launch into their very VERY canned version of ” Shake Your Body Down”. Matt’s falsetto had been sweetened to the point of being on key. And for all of Paula’s efforts ( she really is a great choreographer- let’s give her credit where it’s due, people), the Idols CANNOT dance. Except for Adam. That theatrical training helped him a lot there.

And this week’s Ford video sucks donkeys.

This episode of Idol will now pre-empted so I can watch Jim Parsons on Letterman. Be back in ten.

I return to Idol to catch the end of KC and the Sunshine Band, and we launch back into commercial.

I discover that Lil Rounds has ( thank God) been eliminated. Whoo, one down.

Kris- safe.

Adam- safer than safe.

DWP- please kill me now… he’s effing safe. Damn it.

Anoop- silver chair of doom…

Allison and Matty-  Matt is safe.

My Allison!! Noooooooo…

David Archuleta… he’s back… Jason style…

Archie does ” Touch My Hand”.  He sounds vocally tired. I like the kid, despite all my mocking last year.

I’m bored. So bored.

So we come down to Anoop and Allison and the one heading home is… Anoop.

Kinda sad about that, I like Anoop. But Slezak called it- Anoop in about sixth place. Yeah.

Next week, folks.

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Wow, we’re moving quick this week. Did Fringe fans threaten Seacrest’s life? Or did Fox execs? (I’m betting it was the Fringsters).

Lil Rounds goes with Chaka Khan’s legendary ” I’m Every Woman” and completely butchers the modulation of the chorus, goes sharp constantly on her big notes, and is a general train wreck. That was awful. And someone muzzle her, damn it!

Simon calls it. Horrendous. Bye bye, Lil.

Kris- whom I am beginning to adore ( his version of ” Falling Slowly” is my number one song on IPod last week)- chooses… ” She Works Hard For The Money”?????? WTF?????

Wait.

Artistry, everyone. That is called artistry. He sounds good vocally and I’m kinda digging the Bedouin Soundclash-ish vibe with the music. ( I am a Bedouin Soundclash fan). Kinda cool. Like it? I think the verdict is yes.

Is Paula off her meds again?

Next up- “September” by DWP, who is wildly pitchy off the top. Why does he always go flat?  I now hate this song because Gokey is singing it. Sorry, Earth Wind & Fire.

Enough about that.

Allison sings a totally awesome, rocking version of Donna Summer’s ” Hot Stuff”. Her vocals kick ass. That may be my favoritism peeking out. And I’m a little disturbed a sixteen year old is singing this song…

Adam is next… is he gonna be crazy boy Adam or amazing singer Adam? (Some would argue they are one and the same, but I maintain he’s schizophrenic in his performance style).

He goes with ” If I Can’t Have You”. Saturday Night Fever, everyone. Finally. And it’s one of those disco love songs. And he’s just singing. And it’s a great vocal. Controlled. Even. Till the chorus, he is a little shrill. But overall, impressive. And I love the shout out to Michael Orland, who helped with his arrangement.

Matty. I have a love/hate relationship with Matty. I love him when he gets it right. He crushes my soul when he doesn’t.  Chances are he’s heading home tomorrow night, regardless ( perfect world would send DWP and Lil home, but it”s never a perfect world where Danny Gokey is concerned). Matty goes with ” Stayin’ Alive”. Ooh… iconic song… but I like it sooooo much more than those two people I hate. He’s on key, he doesn’t really try to reach Barry Gibb level falsetto. Until the end. He kept it in the Robin range. Good call.

Um, now Paula’s bowling.

Anoop looking a little less frat boy, more something with the scruff.

My baby, Emma, would just like to say ” Amoo, Amoo, Amoo it aw fyah”.

Anoop goes with yet another ballad beginning.  Seriously? He goes with ” Dim All The Lights”, which does pick up, but is still midtempo. His vocal though, is on pitch and pretty good. Brave dude to wear neon and pastels, I must say.

Randy’s hyperbole is ridiculous. Better than last year? Really?

So yeah, Top three tonight- Kris, Allsion, Adam ( in no particular order).

My bottom three- Anoop, Lil, and DWP. But the bottom three will be Anoop, Lil, and Matty, with Matt and Lil heading off home.

This bites.

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Oh. My. God. Has Idol now become a UFC grudge match? WTF is up with that opening?

RyRy looks smirky and smarmy.

Looky, the Idols did a Ford vid to J. Geils Band’s 80s cheestastic ” Freeze Frame”.

“Maniac”? Really? Idol couldn’t clear a better song that?Oh, and it was painfully live, not canned. I’m in agony.

Adam looks vaguely embarrassed.

To quote Idolatry- put the Go in Gokey. I hate the dude so much.

RyRy asks the Idols about working with Quentin last night. Coolness from Adam. I love how teenaged normal Allison is. Too bad they had to go watch a Zac Efron movie.

Time to dim the lights.

Allison- safe.

Adam- safe.

Anoop- Bottom three ( WTF? He delivered one of the best vocals all night last night). Off to the silver stools of doom.

JHud!!!!!!!!!!

My feed is all fucked up.

She looks gorgeous. She sounds great. I adore her.

Paula says she’s surprised by Anoop’s inclusion in the bottom three. Simon- not so much.

Kris and Lil- Simon gets a word in for Kris- brilliant. Lil still gets to natter on. Shut. Her. Up. RyRy does one of those stupid switcharoo things, and Lil ends up going to the silver stools of doom.

Matt and Danny- I just hate DWP sooooooo much. ” Sing it how it’s supposed to be sang”? Are you kidding?  Danny needs to GO AWAY! How the fuck do you give an edge to ” Endless Love”? That’s like saying you can give edge “My Heart Will Go On”.  Danny is safe, I’m dying, Matt goes to the SSOD.

Paula still can’t say who she thinks will go home.

Anoop gets to stay. Relief.

Miley Cyrus.  Never a great live singer, but a surprisingly competent songwriter. She sings ” The Climb”, from her new movie, and it’s a pretty good little pop song. She annoys me so many different ways ( and she’s so nasally). I give her props though for not being a wreck so much on stage like when she did ” Fly On The Wall” at the AMAs. Oooh, those big notes kinda fall flat, don’t they?

Lil and Matt. Matt and Lil…Simon would consider the save.

Love live TV when it fucks up like that.

RyRy… get the fuck to it.

And the person to go home is…Lil is safe? Fuck. Matty?No…

Shit, dude.

He starts off better than he did last night. Could it really be better than last night?  Really? Oh, hell yeah! Soooo much better. If he sang it like that last night, he would be fine and Lil would be going home. Still didn’t like the bridge shrill thing, but two lines doesn’t make it bad.

Save or not save? Come on, Simon, tell me… is it safe?

Hell yeah!!!!!!! They saved MATTY!!!!!!!!!!!!

But that means a double elimination  next week, keep that in mind.

And next week is disco week?

Oh. God. No.

That is my own personal hell.

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Quentin Tarantino, all-round pop culture geek, is this week’s mentor. I know some people have issues with this development, but I don’t. QT was a guest judge in season three ( he was a Fantasia fan), and every single one of his critiques were more spot on than any of the judges. In retrospect, he’s even more sane now while the judges are even more ridiculous.

Simon apologizes for last weeks overrun, which pissed of Fringe fans extremely ( I don’t blame them- it’s a good show, even if I don’t watch it often). Simon, ever the class act, blames the girls.

Allison tackles the legendary ” I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing”, and Quentin points out her performance flaws. DC did this memorably last season, so I’m nervous for her ( it has a gigantic chorus). But she sounds so fantastic in the verse I immediately relax. She runs into pronunciation issues in the chorus, and there are a couple of bum notes in the bridge, but super solid. I hope cursed at first doesn’t apply this week. Simon finally tosses my girl some love. Yay!

Anoop to do ” Everything I Do ( I Do It For You)” and Adam to do ” Born To Be Wild”, I gather from Ryan’s throw away.

Quentin recs to Anoop to rough it up a bit, which I whole heartedly agree with ( the song is pap, let’s face it). He sounds really good, a few bum notes, but surprisingly strong vocally. He messes up the melody just enough to make it more interesting. He really is a great balladeer. The girls screamed through out. That’s what it’s about.

Adam takes on the huge classic ” Born To Be Wild”, which has always been popular on Canadian Idol ( Steppenwolf being a Canuck band and all).  I don’t like this vocal as much as ” Mad World” last week, and the arrangement seemed messy to me. The boy can sing, we have established that, but I strongly dislike it when he doesn’t control his vocals and goes all over the place. He doesn’t service the song that way, he distracts from it. This song is legendary and doesn’t need the embellishment.

Matt’s doing ” Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman”. I hate that song. Matty, you are making it really tough for me to keep championing you. QT’s advice to enunciate is valid. Matt drops sounds when he sings, and gets a bit mushy mouthed. I still hate the song. But he did it just fine for what it is.But  the bridge fell apart, and was all over the place. Man, that bites.

RyRy didn’t give me a Danny clue. DWP is a mystery… I kinda want him to do something ridiculous, like ” The Trolley Song”, because, as we know, I HATE GOKEY. ” Endless Love”… ridiculous DWPing song, right? Gawd. I hate this song as well. I feel gross right now. Missing notes, DWP. Kill me now. Kill me now. Kill me now. Kill me now. Kill me now. Kill me now. Kill. Me. Now. Please.

I need to go bathe in Lysol. Followed by bleach.

Kris does the unimaginable- he picks something NEW and INTERESTING and INDIE!!!!!!!! He goes with  the Oscar winning love song ” Falling Slowly”. He decides against the guitar, and the vocal is imperfect, but so beautiful at the same time. I’m aching at the moment. Gorgeous. Love the chorus… stunning and emotionally perfect. Welcome back, Kris.

Randy is the biggest motherfucking moron in the history of mankind.

Is Lil singing ” The Rose”, or a different song from The Rose? The problem with ” The Rose” is that it is deceptive to sing. It’s a very simple melody, but it needs to be infused with a certain emotion or it’s a massive fail. I’ve seen good singers brought down by this song, and Lil isn’t that good a singer.

There is a difference in making a song your own, people, and destroying gorgeous melodies.  The Rose, a sad love song, is NOT a gospel song. Not even close. And I think it’s not pleasant to listen to at all. And her vocal isn’t strong enough to make me feel it helps her at all. FAIL! Not good, girl. Not good at all.

It’s still running over. They do all these modifications, and they STILL go over.

Top three: Allison, Kris, Anoop.

Bottom three- Danny, Lil, Matt.

Adam- confusing the hell of me.

Shut up, Fringe is supposed to be on!!!!!

See you tomorrow tonight for the elimination, folks.

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Frankie Avalon? Really? Although he is the Teen Angel. And Allison’s hair looks as though it was done buy Frenchie. Beauty School Dropout indeed. ” Venus”, fine, whatever.

That is the worst group sing ever.  Oh. My. God. Just awful.

That was also a really bad Ford vid.

Adam, Kris, and Anoop stand up, and the judges are allowed to give their Adam critiques ( praise from all). Adam is safe.

Anoop and Kris stand there waiting, and DI had Kris at the very bottom, but he ekes it out as Anoop is in the bottom three ( to be fair to Dial Idol, Adam was the only green button, and everyone else was deemed capable of being bottom three).

If I seem a little scattered, I’m pulling a double posting duty tonight, as I am desperately trying to save Chuck from cancellation. Just so you know. Anyone want to help? Go to NBC.com and watch Chuck episodes, write to NBC, sign the petitions, and generally make a ruckus. Before we all decide to start sending pineapples. ( Chuck fans will know…)

Flo Rida comes out to “sing” ” Right Round”. This song annoys me. Loved ” Low” though.

DWP is safe. Ugh.

Matt.  Safe ( oh, thank God.)

Scott. Bottom three ( rightfully so.)

Allison and Lil.  Allison is safe, and Lil heads to the silver stools of doom.

Kellie and her little girl voice comes back to the stage and I still am not a huge fan of the girl.But her clear confusion after her song means she’s still Kellie.

Lil is safe. Mean trick on Anoop, RyRy. Fucker.

Anoop and Scott stand there, bottom two, and… Scott has the lowest number of votes. Anoop is safe ( what is up with that?)

Truthfully, it was slightly better than last night, but he still couldn’t hit that high note.

It’s a split panel, Simon tells us. They are actually discussing it. And Simon pulls his veto power out and send Scott packing. That was the right choice, he went as far as he could.

See you next week, everybody.

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An Idol favorite indeed, RyRy with the buck teeth.

Danny does a version of  “Stand By Me” which is cheesy and stupid, just like DWP himself. I’m sorry, I don’t get the appeal. Why is he number one every week. Gwenny says it’s a different version of pimping the DW type of song. He wasn’t in key for half of it. And it’s terrible. Ugh. Somebody shut him up, he pisses me off so much.

The judges are apparently still do not want their jobs back, as Randy, Kara, Paula and Simon praised that shit. Please, cursed at first, be in effect.

Kris is charming in his interviews. He tackles a good song with Don Henley’s ” All She wants To Do Is Dance”. I think it’s a bit of risk, and it doesn’t quite work for me. He’s never off key during the song, but he lacks the dramatic flair Henley himself brought to the song.  It’s to dance-rock for him, frankly, he’s much more of a singer-songwriter folkie. But I like it soooo much more than DWP.  Kara’s assessment is right in it’s jazz funk exercise vein. Kris, you may be in trouble, darlin’. Simon and Randy were unnecessarily mean to the guy. Kris at least took it well.

Lil goes with Tina ( correct on artist I am!!!!), but instead of the more aggressive ” Better be Good to Me”, she goes with the overdone ” What’s Love Got to Do With It”. There are massive pitch issues through out the song, but it’s her best performance in weeks.  The judges are mean to her, and I’m feeling very protective.

A couple of weeks ago, the judges sneered at artistry ( albeit bad artistry), but now they’re complaining the singers aren’t being artistic enough. The judges are idiots and will be fired for the rest season if they continue the damn hypocrisy.

Anoop is going with ” True Colors”? Nononononono… that song is sacred to me. Cyndi Lauper’s voice is one of those singular voices that owns the songs she sings. Don’t do that to me, Anoop.

Anoop admits he’s a jackass a bit, and he’s excited about the Tarheels win last night (Booo…).  He needs to learn to enunciate better as he sings, but he actually sings it well, if some what samey.

Scott’s version of “It’s Over ” was horribly pitchy through out. And he’s on guitar!!!!!!! ( that seems odd to me). Not even liking it at all.

Allison, I adore you. She tackles ” I Can’t Make You Love Me”, which I left off my list for two reasons- it’s been overdone, and I wasn’t sure she could pull of the maturity it requires. But her vocal was awesome, soooo much better than last week. I might buy this one on I Tunes ( for the record, this is one of my all time favorite songs).

Matt is next, and I’m worrying, as he is hit or miss.  He tackles Stevie Wonder’s ” Part Time Lover” ( shortlisted but discarded).  He’s all over the place vocally, and he’s crushing my soul.  ( For the record, this is one of my least favorite songs of all time). Not good, Matty, not good.

What were the judges listening to?

Adam is next. My friend Magicalbeck and I over on the BBAC boards have had long conversations about Adam. She’s a die hard fan who appreciates the flair of the dramatic he has, while I… don’t. I don’t mind drama, but he’s prone to overdoing it at times, and as someone who worships those who could barely eke out three chords on beat up Telecasters singing  about sniffing glue, I prefer my melodrama minimal. When Adam just sings, I love every minute of it ( ” Tracks Of My Tears” was so beautiful). I even liked ” Play that Funky Music” last week, even if it was more wacky, because wacky is fine as long as he maintains control over his voice and his stylistic choices. I must say, he has been learning quickly. Magicalbeck and I come at the Idol experience with loads of musical experience of our own  ( she in voice, me in classical piano and punk rock guitars). It makes for an interesting dialog about what constitutes good music and the subjectives of taste and style.

And Adam’s glorious version of  “Mad World” ( the Gary Jules version of the Tears For Fears Classic). I didn’t think he needed to go up in his register in the second verse like that, but it was up there with Allison for best of of night, even with the vocal shake on the last note ( truthfully, it was the first time I’ve heard him miss a note for weeks). He got a standing ovation from Simon on behalf of the judges.

Adam, Anoop, and Allison were the best of the night, everyone else was mediocre. I pick Scott, Kris, and  Danny as the worst, but I suspect Danny will be just hunky dory and poor Lil may work her way into the bottom three, with Scott heading home.

See ya tomorrow.

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We get another idiotic opening montage ( does Idol think it’s now a CBS procedural?), and a Ford Commercial that was really heinous, before the Idols launch into a halfway decent group sing. Now, I love me some ” Don’t Stop Believing”, and the opener with Allison and Kris was amazing ( they are clearly my new top two, with Matt pulling third after last night). Yes, the group sings are canned vocals, but at least this week they were decent canned vocals. And Adam’s last note- that’s what I wanted from him singing this song, which is why I wanted him to sing it last night. I am always right, and the sooner the Idols realize that, the better off they’ll all be.

This is followed by a lame ass video thing, and then RyRy divides the Idols into three groups of three. Megan, Matt, and Kris are first, then Allison, Adam, and Lil, then Danny, Scott, and Anoop.  God, are they doing this shit again?

Then, what we all have been waiting for since it was taped-

❤ ❤ ❤ DAVID COOK!!!!!!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

He looked FIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNE and sounded fabulous. That is all. Love the song. Mommy Beth was singing along. Then RyRy brought out some leggy blondes to hand SBF his platinum plaque. Le sigh. I miss him every focken week.

After the goodness of DC, RyRy starts the thinning of the herd.

Kris- safe

Matt- April Fools, you ain’t bottom three, you is safe!

( Ryan, you’re an asshole.)

Megan caw caw’s her way to the silver stools of doom.

Lil- safe.

Allison- bottom three ( Everyone all together now- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)

Collin’s future husband- safe.

Danny- safe ( Everyone all together now- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)

Scott- safe.

Anoop admits he deserves the bottom three slot he now has.

Next, we get a fog machine, a Lucite piano filled with bubbles, and Lady Gaga singing a bizarre version of ” Poker Face”. How’d she get away with the line ” Bluffin’ with my muffin” on the TeeVee?

RyRy begins to send people back to safety with Allison ( huge sigh of relief).

Down to Anoop and Megan and- Megan is heading home. As it should be and was decreed by me.

Simon didn’t even bother to waste time by saying there was no way in hell Megan was going to be saved. Thank God.

Megan does her weird spazz dance thing while singing, eff’s up the words, and that is the end of cool crazy chick.

RyRy announces that next weeks theme is ” The Year They Were Born”. Allison is seventeen. 1992- dudes, 1992 was an awesome year for rock!

Thank God that nightmare is over.

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Top Downloads turned out to encompass every Tunes list in the history of I Tunes. So… we got the music world on a string. What did our Idols come up with?

Anoop tackled Usher, and his ” Caught Up” was competent, but pitchy. He also lacked a certain swagger in the vocals. Simply too smooth for his own good. He is a masterful balladeer, for sure, but balladeers do not a career have anymore.

Megan, god bless her heart, tried to do Bob Marley’s ” Turn The Lights Down Low”. and failed. I really love Megan as a person, she looks like a blast. But that was horrible. Bob Marley verges on an untouchable artist ( not quite there). Very unhappy with that.

DWP came with Rascal Flatt’s ( I called the artist!!!!!). “What Hurts the Most” is a song about losing the love of your life. Yeah. Dead Wife PIMPER. And whatever the judges  are smoking needs to be banned of the planet. it may be good shit, but it’s causing them to lose their minds.

I felt gross after watching DWP sing, so I did a tequila shot in the thirty seconds Allison’s tape was rolling, and then stood stunned as she massacred ” Don’t Speak”. That was not pretty. I love her, but it really wasn’t that good. I hope the borderline positive  reviews the judges gave her singing will save her ass from the bottom. But after last week’s revelatory performance, such a let down.

Scott came out with a better haircut ( thank God), his piano, and some Billy Joel ( thank God). I knew he’d gravitate to Billy if he had the chance, and he would knock Billy out of the park. He sounded his best since the audition- confident, on key, and mellow. He knew this song backwards, and the piano was great.

Matt went with The Fray. I do not like the Fray. No. Matt needs to knock it out of the park, and he sounds off pitch immediately. On the electric piano this time, he got better vocally as the song continued, but  I’m disappointed. I really wanted him to take a real risk with Kings Of Leon or something bluesy soulful rocker style.

Lil had to go with Celine, didn’t she? Come on. That is the most ridiculous song choice ever. ” I Surrender”? It’s not even a decent Celine song “decent” and ” Celine” is an oxymoron). She has some pitchy moments. No, not feeling it. What the hell is wrong with Lil? She was awesome in her semi-final performance. This is getting to be a huge train wreck.

The judges crack pipes must have been in use during the commercial break.

Adam does Wild Cherry? He’s doing ” Play That Funky Music”? Are you KIDDING ME?????????? Adam, nonononono… I was just starting to like you. This is insane, dude. No. No. No.

But then the music starts. And it’s bass heavier, not so disco like, and a pretty interesting revision of a disco classic. He allows himself some shriely moments, but I kinda enjoyed it against my better, music cool judgement.  It’s at least new and interesting. Everyone else has been so safe.I guess I am coming around.

Did Kara just say Studio 57? Studio 54, you moron. 54.

Kris closes the night with ” Ain’t No Sunshine”. Perfect song choice for the folk dude.  He’s on piano, not breaking out the funky Bill Withers guitar licks. And I am really loving it. ” Ain’t No Sunshine” is one of my favorites songs of all time. He even does a bit of the funk on the break. Love it.

Top Three- Kris, Adam, and Scott.

Bottom three- Megan, Matt, and Danny, but I bet Danny’s safe and Anoop will be bottom three ( cursed at first).

Megan, I adore you, but it’s time to go home.

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It’s so natural. He needed to go. He needed to be better and failed.

Go…to the end of the road…

Sorry, prom flashback. Never mind.

The now admittedly sweetened group sing was as awful as usual. Next!

The less said about the Ford thing the better.

Ruben looked like… well, Ruben, and he was sweating heavy as he sang his bland R&B song that I have forgotten the title of already. Yeah. Whatever.

The eliminations start:

Collin’s future husband- safe.

Matt- bottom three. Shocked gasps and booing ensue.

Kris- safe, although he was again convinced otherwise.

RigPig and Lil- come on, we knew it’d be RigPig.

Smokey joins quasi-soul girl Joss Stone for a bland song I have already forgotten. Jeez, Smokey, you’ve done classics, but this was forgettable. Gimme “Going To A Go Go”!

More eliminations.

My girl- safe as a snug bug.

Anoop- still here

DWP- still here to torture me another day. Damn it!

To Scott and Megan. Both were predicted to be in the bottom three bi DI, but the addition of Matt means that DI is off significantly ( it had Matt at fifth- a comfy fifth). Scott joins the stools of shame, but is promptly sent back to the couches, and Matt and RigPig sit there.

Fuck me!!!! STEVIE WONDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, ” My Cherie Amour” was way pitchy and odd sounding, but he’s STEVIE WONDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON”T CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It spent hours as a kid in between Bach and Brahms trying to learn Stevie songs from my growing collection of Motown records. My Cherie Amour was the first I tried.

Whoot! ” Superstition” is one of the greatest songs ever! As long as the Joni ( see: Grammy threads) don’t touch it. Awesome.

” Overjoyed”, over done on Idol, in the hands of the master, and he giveth the smacketh down, everyone. That’s how you do it, lame asses!

” All About The Love Again” is a more obscure Stevie song, but he sounded awesome ( with a shout out to the current President as well).

So then we return to the bottom two, and fortunately, I never have to write the words RigPig again.  And Simon cuts him lose after he sings, mercifully. Bye, Sarver,  and give your kid a hug.

Ladies and gentlemen, your Idol Tewer Opener… Michael Sarver.

Bleeeech.

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