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You know, this one was just to mind blowing to wait till Monday or Tuesday to do. I mean, it’s disco week. The much mocked, undervalued seventies dance music that has enjoyed a recent underground revival ( truthfully, it never really went away). The general consensus is Adam will be the only one to survive this train wreck week in waiting, but that would only be if he doesn’t repeat himself by doing something to close to ” Play That Funky Music” ( please don’t…). When I was researching, I kept looking at songs and seeing Adam do something pretty close to that performance. I want him to do something different. The rest- well, I guess it comes down to what Idol means by disco. Practically every dance groove of the last thirty five years qualifies as disco. But something tells me that Idol producers lack imagination or even a working knowledge of music styles, so I’ve narrowed my list to mid 70s to very early 80s dance pop. It doesn’t mean, though, that the Idols should do it disco style.

Allison- the talented teen with the Joplin rasp seems like a goner if she doesn’t pick just right. Her age may also lead her to an obvious choice- “Lady Marmalade”. The huge cover done by Christina and company, not the LaBelle version ( though they really are too similar for words- louder guitars do not a rock song make). But my advice- ignore the song about New Orleans prostitutes and go instead for the Feist version of the BeeGee’s ” Love You Inside And Out”. It’s quieter, more even, and easier to adapt to Allison’s great but limited voice. Alternate choice- the disco classic ” I Love The Nightlife”, only because it’s the fifth greatest disco song in history. Avoid- Blondie’s ” Heart Of Glass”. If Allison has a falsetto, we haven’t heard it. The verses span an entire octave.

Anoop- he does best on ballads, but I would like to see him try something like Earth Wind and Fire’s ” September” ( fourth greatest disco song of all time). It’s smoother than most disco standards, and I’d like to see if he can match Phillip Bailey’s amazing vocals ( doubt it- no one can, not even Bailey anymore). Alternate choice- ” I Just Wanna Be Your Everything”, Andy Gibbs’ schlockfest love song. Avoid- anything that requires any range, i.e. The BeeGees.

Adam- the funny girl comedian in me could make so many wisecracks… but I won’t. I prefer Adam when he just sings, but if any week requires high camp- it’s this week. I wouldn’t be adverse to a stunning rendition of forgotten ABBA gem ” Voulez Vous”, but I pick instead a- Lou Rawls song. Hear me out, people. ” You’ll Never Find A Love Like Mine” is a great disco song. Lou had one of the great baritones in history. Adam is no baritone, but the song could really allow that clearly amazing tenor voice of his some actual range defying drama. The song would allow for embellishments if needed, but would benefit form a highly controlled vocal. I want him to sing. I want to challenge Adam to use his lower register. See where I’m going. Avoid- camp classics that would remind tween girls everywhere that Adam plays for the other side. Which is 95% of disco music.

Matt- his ass saved by the judges, Matty lovely needs to step it up. And he gets disco week? The kid never had a shot, indeed. Poor Matty. But I’m throwing him a bone and suggesting Bill Wither’s ” Lovely Day”- soulful folk disco pop. Avoid- Everything else.

Danny- I honestly thought it would be hard for me to find DWPing songs in the most gloriously banal, apolitical, sunshiney genre of music in the history of mankind. I was so wrong. He could go with ” Don’t Leave Me this Way”. “Last Dance”. “Tragedy”. ” You’re The First, My Last, My Everything”. ” I Will Survive”. I predict he’ll go with Andy Gibb’s ” An Everlasting Love” and put the go in Gokey. At least, I hope. Avoid- frankly, do whatever the hell you want, Gokey, just do it badly and get out of my life.

Lil- the one who woulda gone home if the world was at all fair. The bet is Donna Summers ( the truly awful, worst song in history ” MacArthur Park” please. Even Carrie Underwood couldn’t make that song good.) But- there are a couple of other options. The obvious ” I Will Survive”, for one. But i keep on hoping for Lil to just dirty it up a bit. I want her to sing ” Don’t Leave Me This Way”. I just keep hoping she can hit something. But if she fails, she’ll fail miserably, and then I never will have to listen to her again.

Kris- oh no. Ummm, I picking blindly out of a hat and going with- Boz Scaggs’ ” Lowdown”. I really have nothing for our sweet Jason Mraz wannabe. Nothing. So I just picked randomly off of Wkipedia’s List of Disco artists. It could have been Boney M.

And I am sorry I couldn’t work Boney M’s legendary ” Rasputin” into this list. Till now. That woulda been frakkin’ awesome, no?

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Oh. My. God. Has Idol now become a UFC grudge match? WTF is up with that opening?

RyRy looks smirky and smarmy.

Looky, the Idols did a Ford vid to J. Geils Band’s 80s cheestastic ” Freeze Frame”.

“Maniac”? Really? Idol couldn’t clear a better song that?Oh, and it was painfully live, not canned. I’m in agony.

Adam looks vaguely embarrassed.

To quote Idolatry- put the Go in Gokey. I hate the dude so much.

RyRy asks the Idols about working with Quentin last night. Coolness from Adam. I love how teenaged normal Allison is. Too bad they had to go watch a Zac Efron movie.

Time to dim the lights.

Allison- safe.

Adam- safe.

Anoop- Bottom three ( WTF? He delivered one of the best vocals all night last night). Off to the silver stools of doom.

JHud!!!!!!!!!!

My feed is all fucked up.

She looks gorgeous. She sounds great. I adore her.

Paula says she’s surprised by Anoop’s inclusion in the bottom three. Simon- not so much.

Kris and Lil- Simon gets a word in for Kris- brilliant. Lil still gets to natter on. Shut. Her. Up. RyRy does one of those stupid switcharoo things, and Lil ends up going to the silver stools of doom.

Matt and Danny- I just hate DWP sooooooo much. ” Sing it how it’s supposed to be sang”? Are you kidding?  Danny needs to GO AWAY! How the fuck do you give an edge to ” Endless Love”? That’s like saying you can give edge “My Heart Will Go On”.  Danny is safe, I’m dying, Matt goes to the SSOD.

Paula still can’t say who she thinks will go home.

Anoop gets to stay. Relief.

Miley Cyrus.  Never a great live singer, but a surprisingly competent songwriter. She sings ” The Climb”, from her new movie, and it’s a pretty good little pop song. She annoys me so many different ways ( and she’s so nasally). I give her props though for not being a wreck so much on stage like when she did ” Fly On The Wall” at the AMAs. Oooh, those big notes kinda fall flat, don’t they?

Lil and Matt. Matt and Lil…Simon would consider the save.

Love live TV when it fucks up like that.

RyRy… get the fuck to it.

And the person to go home is…Lil is safe? Fuck. Matty?No…

Shit, dude.

He starts off better than he did last night. Could it really be better than last night?  Really? Oh, hell yeah! Soooo much better. If he sang it like that last night, he would be fine and Lil would be going home. Still didn’t like the bridge shrill thing, but two lines doesn’t make it bad.

Save or not save? Come on, Simon, tell me… is it safe?

Hell yeah!!!!!!! They saved MATTY!!!!!!!!!!!!

But that means a double elimination  next week, keep that in mind.

And next week is disco week?

Oh. God. No.

That is my own personal hell.

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Quentin Tarantino, all-round pop culture geek, is this week’s mentor. I know some people have issues with this development, but I don’t. QT was a guest judge in season three ( he was a Fantasia fan), and every single one of his critiques were more spot on than any of the judges. In retrospect, he’s even more sane now while the judges are even more ridiculous.

Simon apologizes for last weeks overrun, which pissed of Fringe fans extremely ( I don’t blame them- it’s a good show, even if I don’t watch it often). Simon, ever the class act, blames the girls.

Allison tackles the legendary ” I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing”, and Quentin points out her performance flaws. DC did this memorably last season, so I’m nervous for her ( it has a gigantic chorus). But she sounds so fantastic in the verse I immediately relax. She runs into pronunciation issues in the chorus, and there are a couple of bum notes in the bridge, but super solid. I hope cursed at first doesn’t apply this week. Simon finally tosses my girl some love. Yay!

Anoop to do ” Everything I Do ( I Do It For You)” and Adam to do ” Born To Be Wild”, I gather from Ryan’s throw away.

Quentin recs to Anoop to rough it up a bit, which I whole heartedly agree with ( the song is pap, let’s face it). He sounds really good, a few bum notes, but surprisingly strong vocally. He messes up the melody just enough to make it more interesting. He really is a great balladeer. The girls screamed through out. That’s what it’s about.

Adam takes on the huge classic ” Born To Be Wild”, which has always been popular on Canadian Idol ( Steppenwolf being a Canuck band and all).  I don’t like this vocal as much as ” Mad World” last week, and the arrangement seemed messy to me. The boy can sing, we have established that, but I strongly dislike it when he doesn’t control his vocals and goes all over the place. He doesn’t service the song that way, he distracts from it. This song is legendary and doesn’t need the embellishment.

Matt’s doing ” Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman”. I hate that song. Matty, you are making it really tough for me to keep championing you. QT’s advice to enunciate is valid. Matt drops sounds when he sings, and gets a bit mushy mouthed. I still hate the song. But he did it just fine for what it is.But  the bridge fell apart, and was all over the place. Man, that bites.

RyRy didn’t give me a Danny clue. DWP is a mystery… I kinda want him to do something ridiculous, like ” The Trolley Song”, because, as we know, I HATE GOKEY. ” Endless Love”… ridiculous DWPing song, right? Gawd. I hate this song as well. I feel gross right now. Missing notes, DWP. Kill me now. Kill me now. Kill me now. Kill me now. Kill me now. Kill me now. Kill. Me. Now. Please.

I need to go bathe in Lysol. Followed by bleach.

Kris does the unimaginable- he picks something NEW and INTERESTING and INDIE!!!!!!!! He goes with  the Oscar winning love song ” Falling Slowly”. He decides against the guitar, and the vocal is imperfect, but so beautiful at the same time. I’m aching at the moment. Gorgeous. Love the chorus… stunning and emotionally perfect. Welcome back, Kris.

Randy is the biggest motherfucking moron in the history of mankind.

Is Lil singing ” The Rose”, or a different song from The Rose? The problem with ” The Rose” is that it is deceptive to sing. It’s a very simple melody, but it needs to be infused with a certain emotion or it’s a massive fail. I’ve seen good singers brought down by this song, and Lil isn’t that good a singer.

There is a difference in making a song your own, people, and destroying gorgeous melodies.  The Rose, a sad love song, is NOT a gospel song. Not even close. And I think it’s not pleasant to listen to at all. And her vocal isn’t strong enough to make me feel it helps her at all. FAIL! Not good, girl. Not good at all.

It’s still running over. They do all these modifications, and they STILL go over.

Top three: Allison, Kris, Anoop.

Bottom three- Danny, Lil, Matt.

Adam- confusing the hell of me.

Shut up, Fringe is supposed to be on!!!!!

See you tomorrow tonight for the elimination, folks.

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Frankie Avalon? Really? Although he is the Teen Angel. And Allison’s hair looks as though it was done buy Frenchie. Beauty School Dropout indeed. ” Venus”, fine, whatever.

That is the worst group sing ever.  Oh. My. God. Just awful.

That was also a really bad Ford vid.

Adam, Kris, and Anoop stand up, and the judges are allowed to give their Adam critiques ( praise from all). Adam is safe.

Anoop and Kris stand there waiting, and DI had Kris at the very bottom, but he ekes it out as Anoop is in the bottom three ( to be fair to Dial Idol, Adam was the only green button, and everyone else was deemed capable of being bottom three).

If I seem a little scattered, I’m pulling a double posting duty tonight, as I am desperately trying to save Chuck from cancellation. Just so you know. Anyone want to help? Go to NBC.com and watch Chuck episodes, write to NBC, sign the petitions, and generally make a ruckus. Before we all decide to start sending pineapples. ( Chuck fans will know…)

Flo Rida comes out to “sing” ” Right Round”. This song annoys me. Loved ” Low” though.

DWP is safe. Ugh.

Matt.  Safe ( oh, thank God.)

Scott. Bottom three ( rightfully so.)

Allison and Lil.  Allison is safe, and Lil heads to the silver stools of doom.

Kellie and her little girl voice comes back to the stage and I still am not a huge fan of the girl.But her clear confusion after her song means she’s still Kellie.

Lil is safe. Mean trick on Anoop, RyRy. Fucker.

Anoop and Scott stand there, bottom two, and… Scott has the lowest number of votes. Anoop is safe ( what is up with that?)

Truthfully, it was slightly better than last night, but he still couldn’t hit that high note.

It’s a split panel, Simon tells us. They are actually discussing it. And Simon pulls his veto power out and send Scott packing. That was the right choice, he went as far as he could.

See you next week, everybody.

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An Idol favorite indeed, RyRy with the buck teeth.

Danny does a version of  “Stand By Me” which is cheesy and stupid, just like DWP himself. I’m sorry, I don’t get the appeal. Why is he number one every week. Gwenny says it’s a different version of pimping the DW type of song. He wasn’t in key for half of it. And it’s terrible. Ugh. Somebody shut him up, he pisses me off so much.

The judges are apparently still do not want their jobs back, as Randy, Kara, Paula and Simon praised that shit. Please, cursed at first, be in effect.

Kris is charming in his interviews. He tackles a good song with Don Henley’s ” All She wants To Do Is Dance”. I think it’s a bit of risk, and it doesn’t quite work for me. He’s never off key during the song, but he lacks the dramatic flair Henley himself brought to the song.  It’s to dance-rock for him, frankly, he’s much more of a singer-songwriter folkie. But I like it soooo much more than DWP.  Kara’s assessment is right in it’s jazz funk exercise vein. Kris, you may be in trouble, darlin’. Simon and Randy were unnecessarily mean to the guy. Kris at least took it well.

Lil goes with Tina ( correct on artist I am!!!!), but instead of the more aggressive ” Better be Good to Me”, she goes with the overdone ” What’s Love Got to Do With It”. There are massive pitch issues through out the song, but it’s her best performance in weeks.  The judges are mean to her, and I’m feeling very protective.

A couple of weeks ago, the judges sneered at artistry ( albeit bad artistry), but now they’re complaining the singers aren’t being artistic enough. The judges are idiots and will be fired for the rest season if they continue the damn hypocrisy.

Anoop is going with ” True Colors”? Nononononono… that song is sacred to me. Cyndi Lauper’s voice is one of those singular voices that owns the songs she sings. Don’t do that to me, Anoop.

Anoop admits he’s a jackass a bit, and he’s excited about the Tarheels win last night (Booo…).  He needs to learn to enunciate better as he sings, but he actually sings it well, if some what samey.

Scott’s version of “It’s Over ” was horribly pitchy through out. And he’s on guitar!!!!!!! ( that seems odd to me). Not even liking it at all.

Allison, I adore you. She tackles ” I Can’t Make You Love Me”, which I left off my list for two reasons- it’s been overdone, and I wasn’t sure she could pull of the maturity it requires. But her vocal was awesome, soooo much better than last week. I might buy this one on I Tunes ( for the record, this is one of my all time favorite songs).

Matt is next, and I’m worrying, as he is hit or miss.  He tackles Stevie Wonder’s ” Part Time Lover” ( shortlisted but discarded).  He’s all over the place vocally, and he’s crushing my soul.  ( For the record, this is one of my least favorite songs of all time). Not good, Matty, not good.

What were the judges listening to?

Adam is next. My friend Magicalbeck and I over on the BBAC boards have had long conversations about Adam. She’s a die hard fan who appreciates the flair of the dramatic he has, while I… don’t. I don’t mind drama, but he’s prone to overdoing it at times, and as someone who worships those who could barely eke out three chords on beat up Telecasters singing  about sniffing glue, I prefer my melodrama minimal. When Adam just sings, I love every minute of it ( ” Tracks Of My Tears” was so beautiful). I even liked ” Play that Funky Music” last week, even if it was more wacky, because wacky is fine as long as he maintains control over his voice and his stylistic choices. I must say, he has been learning quickly. Magicalbeck and I come at the Idol experience with loads of musical experience of our own  ( she in voice, me in classical piano and punk rock guitars). It makes for an interesting dialog about what constitutes good music and the subjectives of taste and style.

And Adam’s glorious version of  “Mad World” ( the Gary Jules version of the Tears For Fears Classic). I didn’t think he needed to go up in his register in the second verse like that, but it was up there with Allison for best of of night, even with the vocal shake on the last note ( truthfully, it was the first time I’ve heard him miss a note for weeks). He got a standing ovation from Simon on behalf of the judges.

Adam, Anoop, and Allison were the best of the night, everyone else was mediocre. I pick Scott, Kris, and  Danny as the worst, but I suspect Danny will be just hunky dory and poor Lil may work her way into the bottom three, with Scott heading home.

See ya tomorrow.

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We get another idiotic opening montage ( does Idol think it’s now a CBS procedural?), and a Ford Commercial that was really heinous, before the Idols launch into a halfway decent group sing. Now, I love me some ” Don’t Stop Believing”, and the opener with Allison and Kris was amazing ( they are clearly my new top two, with Matt pulling third after last night). Yes, the group sings are canned vocals, but at least this week they were decent canned vocals. And Adam’s last note- that’s what I wanted from him singing this song, which is why I wanted him to sing it last night. I am always right, and the sooner the Idols realize that, the better off they’ll all be.

This is followed by a lame ass video thing, and then RyRy divides the Idols into three groups of three. Megan, Matt, and Kris are first, then Allison, Adam, and Lil, then Danny, Scott, and Anoop.  God, are they doing this shit again?

Then, what we all have been waiting for since it was taped-

❤ ❤ ❤ DAVID COOK!!!!!!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

He looked FIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNE and sounded fabulous. That is all. Love the song. Mommy Beth was singing along. Then RyRy brought out some leggy blondes to hand SBF his platinum plaque. Le sigh. I miss him every focken week.

After the goodness of DC, RyRy starts the thinning of the herd.

Kris- safe

Matt- April Fools, you ain’t bottom three, you is safe!

( Ryan, you’re an asshole.)

Megan caw caw’s her way to the silver stools of doom.

Lil- safe.

Allison- bottom three ( Everyone all together now- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)

Collin’s future husband- safe.

Danny- safe ( Everyone all together now- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)

Scott- safe.

Anoop admits he deserves the bottom three slot he now has.

Next, we get a fog machine, a Lucite piano filled with bubbles, and Lady Gaga singing a bizarre version of ” Poker Face”. How’d she get away with the line ” Bluffin’ with my muffin” on the TeeVee?

RyRy begins to send people back to safety with Allison ( huge sigh of relief).

Down to Anoop and Megan and- Megan is heading home. As it should be and was decreed by me.

Simon didn’t even bother to waste time by saying there was no way in hell Megan was going to be saved. Thank God.

Megan does her weird spazz dance thing while singing, eff’s up the words, and that is the end of cool crazy chick.

RyRy announces that next weeks theme is ” The Year They Were Born”. Allison is seventeen. 1992- dudes, 1992 was an awesome year for rock!

Thank God that nightmare is over.

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Top Downloads turned out to encompass every Tunes list in the history of I Tunes. So… we got the music world on a string. What did our Idols come up with?

Anoop tackled Usher, and his ” Caught Up” was competent, but pitchy. He also lacked a certain swagger in the vocals. Simply too smooth for his own good. He is a masterful balladeer, for sure, but balladeers do not a career have anymore.

Megan, god bless her heart, tried to do Bob Marley’s ” Turn The Lights Down Low”. and failed. I really love Megan as a person, she looks like a blast. But that was horrible. Bob Marley verges on an untouchable artist ( not quite there). Very unhappy with that.

DWP came with Rascal Flatt’s ( I called the artist!!!!!). “What Hurts the Most” is a song about losing the love of your life. Yeah. Dead Wife PIMPER. And whatever the judges  are smoking needs to be banned of the planet. it may be good shit, but it’s causing them to lose their minds.

I felt gross after watching DWP sing, so I did a tequila shot in the thirty seconds Allison’s tape was rolling, and then stood stunned as she massacred ” Don’t Speak”. That was not pretty. I love her, but it really wasn’t that good. I hope the borderline positive  reviews the judges gave her singing will save her ass from the bottom. But after last week’s revelatory performance, such a let down.

Scott came out with a better haircut ( thank God), his piano, and some Billy Joel ( thank God). I knew he’d gravitate to Billy if he had the chance, and he would knock Billy out of the park. He sounded his best since the audition- confident, on key, and mellow. He knew this song backwards, and the piano was great.

Matt went with The Fray. I do not like the Fray. No. Matt needs to knock it out of the park, and he sounds off pitch immediately. On the electric piano this time, he got better vocally as the song continued, but  I’m disappointed. I really wanted him to take a real risk with Kings Of Leon or something bluesy soulful rocker style.

Lil had to go with Celine, didn’t she? Come on. That is the most ridiculous song choice ever. ” I Surrender”? It’s not even a decent Celine song “decent” and ” Celine” is an oxymoron). She has some pitchy moments. No, not feeling it. What the hell is wrong with Lil? She was awesome in her semi-final performance. This is getting to be a huge train wreck.

The judges crack pipes must have been in use during the commercial break.

Adam does Wild Cherry? He’s doing ” Play That Funky Music”? Are you KIDDING ME?????????? Adam, nonononono… I was just starting to like you. This is insane, dude. No. No. No.

But then the music starts. And it’s bass heavier, not so disco like, and a pretty interesting revision of a disco classic. He allows himself some shriely moments, but I kinda enjoyed it against my better, music cool judgement.  It’s at least new and interesting. Everyone else has been so safe.I guess I am coming around.

Did Kara just say Studio 57? Studio 54, you moron. 54.

Kris closes the night with ” Ain’t No Sunshine”. Perfect song choice for the folk dude.  He’s on piano, not breaking out the funky Bill Withers guitar licks. And I am really loving it. ” Ain’t No Sunshine” is one of my favorites songs of all time. He even does a bit of the funk on the break. Love it.

Top Three- Kris, Adam, and Scott.

Bottom three- Megan, Matt, and Danny, but I bet Danny’s safe and Anoop will be bottom three ( cursed at first).

Megan, I adore you, but it’s time to go home.

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