You know, this one was just to mind blowing to wait till Monday or Tuesday to do. I mean, it’s disco week. The much mocked, undervalued seventies dance music that has enjoyed a recent underground revival ( truthfully, it never really went away). The general consensus is Adam will be the only one to survive this train wreck week in waiting, but that would only be if he doesn’t repeat himself by doing something to close to ” Play That Funky Music” ( please don’t…). When I was researching, I kept looking at songs and seeing Adam do something pretty close to that performance. I want him to do something different. The rest- well, I guess it comes down to what Idol means by disco. Practically every dance groove of the last thirty five years qualifies as disco. But something tells me that Idol producers lack imagination or even a working knowledge of music styles, so I’ve narrowed my list to mid 70s to very early 80s dance pop. It doesn’t mean, though, that the Idols should do it disco style.
Allison- the talented teen with the Joplin rasp seems like a goner if she doesn’t pick just right. Her age may also lead her to an obvious choice- “Lady Marmalade”. The huge cover done by Christina and company, not the LaBelle version ( though they really are too similar for words- louder guitars do not a rock song make). But my advice- ignore the song about New Orleans prostitutes and go instead for the Feist version of the BeeGee’s ” Love You Inside And Out”. It’s quieter, more even, and easier to adapt to Allison’s great but limited voice. Alternate choice- the disco classic ” I Love The Nightlife”, only because it’s the fifth greatest disco song in history. Avoid- Blondie’s ” Heart Of Glass”. If Allison has a falsetto, we haven’t heard it. The verses span an entire octave.
Anoop- he does best on ballads, but I would like to see him try something like Earth Wind and Fire’s ” September” ( fourth greatest disco song of all time). It’s smoother than most disco standards, and I’d like to see if he can match Phillip Bailey’s amazing vocals ( doubt it- no one can, not even Bailey anymore). Alternate choice- ” I Just Wanna Be Your Everything”, Andy Gibbs’ schlockfest love song. Avoid- anything that requires any range, i.e. The BeeGees.
Adam- the funny girl comedian in me could make so many wisecracks… but I won’t. I prefer Adam when he just sings, but if any week requires high camp- it’s this week. I wouldn’t be adverse to a stunning rendition of forgotten ABBA gem ” Voulez Vous”, but I pick instead a- Lou Rawls song. Hear me out, people. ” You’ll Never Find A Love Like Mine” is a great disco song. Lou had one of the great baritones in history. Adam is no baritone, but the song could really allow that clearly amazing tenor voice of his some actual range defying drama. The song would allow for embellishments if needed, but would benefit form a highly controlled vocal. I want him to sing. I want to challenge Adam to use his lower register. See where I’m going. Avoid- camp classics that would remind tween girls everywhere that Adam plays for the other side. Which is 95% of disco music.
Matt- his ass saved by the judges, Matty lovely needs to step it up. And he gets disco week? The kid never had a shot, indeed. Poor Matty. But I’m throwing him a bone and suggesting Bill Wither’s ” Lovely Day”- soulful folk disco pop. Avoid- Everything else.
Danny- I honestly thought it would be hard for me to find DWPing songs in the most gloriously banal, apolitical, sunshiney genre of music in the history of mankind. I was so wrong. He could go with ” Don’t Leave Me this Way”. “Last Dance”. “Tragedy”. ” You’re The First, My Last, My Everything”. ” I Will Survive”. I predict he’ll go with Andy Gibb’s ” An Everlasting Love” and put the go in Gokey. At least, I hope. Avoid- frankly, do whatever the hell you want, Gokey, just do it badly and get out of my life.
Lil- the one who woulda gone home if the world was at all fair. The bet is Donna Summers ( the truly awful, worst song in history ” MacArthur Park” please. Even Carrie Underwood couldn’t make that song good.) But- there are a couple of other options. The obvious ” I Will Survive”, for one. But i keep on hoping for Lil to just dirty it up a bit. I want her to sing ” Don’t Leave Me This Way”. I just keep hoping she can hit something. But if she fails, she’ll fail miserably, and then I never will have to listen to her again.
Kris- oh no. Ummm, I picking blindly out of a hat and going with- Boz Scaggs’ ” Lowdown”. I really have nothing for our sweet Jason Mraz wannabe. Nothing. So I just picked randomly off of Wkipedia’s List of Disco artists. It could have been Boney M.
And I am sorry I couldn’t work Boney M’s legendary ” Rasputin” into this list. Till now. That woulda been frakkin’ awesome, no?